*dislikes* closing 'members leaving' thread

Yeah…Thanks Frances and Acidrock and the other members who came back from the past.

I sent Manny and Admin a response email. It is very sad how I started a thread about how and why my friends have left the community only to have my discussion “locked”. And what is ironic is that makes me want to leave the community myself. eye-roll puts on helmet so i can take another blood glucose test and hope this thread doesn’t wind up like the last thread…

I thought it was a good thread, very useful to hear from folks who left, why they left, and then returned. One of the offshoots that wandered was concerning diabetes alert dogs. As I stated in a post I was glad that topic had been brought up because this might be the first someone had heard about this and perhaps it would help them in dealing with D. Personally a cocktail party atmosphere doesn’t bother me at all.

It also occurred to me that I’d used my home-grown term “ghosts” to describe people who leave or who live on (forever? eek) as ‘ghosts’ which could also be construed as “name calling” which I understand is against the rules, however to explain my (shocker) obscure, 1980s rock reference, “Ghosts” by The Jam:

"Why are you frightened
can’t you see that it’s you
That ain’t no ghost
it’s a reflection of you
Why do you turn away
an’ keep it out of sight
Oh

don’t live up to your given roles
There’s more inside you that you won’t show
But you keep it hidden just like everyone
You’re scared to show you care

it’ll make you vulnerable
So you wear that ghost around you for disguise
But there’s no need just 'cos it’s all we’ve known
There’s more inside you that you haven’t shown

So keep on moving, moving, moving your feet
Keep on shuf-shuf-shuffling to this ghost dance beat
Just keep on walking down never ending streets

One day you’ll walk right out of this life
And then you’ll wonder why you didn’t try

To spread some loving all around
Old fashioned causes like that still stand
Gotta rid this prejudice that ties you down

How do you feel at the end of the day
Just like you’ve waked over your own grave

So why are you frightened

can’t you see that it’s you
At the moment there’s nothing
so there’s nothing to lose
Lift up your lonely heart and walk right on through"

I presume the song is about the general malaise of suburban/ one-dimensional life that Paul Weller was (and still is I believe?) into depicting. The lyrics certainly would not apply to everyone who leaves or is booted but they do seem eerily germaine to this sort of community?

PS, if you want to go d/l the Jam, get Funeral Pyre as it rocks a lot more than Ghosts! “Bring what’s left of all your love for the fire” indeed…

Long and difficult for me to explane my reasons translating from another language, but generally speaking I don’t like closures (with the exception of something that could be dangerous or misleading for terapy a/o life)and this one in particular.eye-roll

Well, can’t we just start a new thread for that purpose? How about a thread calling back long lost friends asking them to post and give everyone an update? Or how about a thread to discuss exactly what our common values are?

I think that actually we have many threads that all to often get off track. This may be all fine for those that read everything and follow the paths, but a nightmare for a casual user.

These administrators. Look at them. They are us. They don’t intervene with a heavy hand. This community runs pretty much open loop.

Lets just start a new thread.

Frances,
The thread was not removed:
https://forum.tudiabetes.org/topics/why-do-tu-members-leave-the-tu

It is there to be read by anyone who visits the site. It simply has been locked due to the reasons expressed in the closing reply:
http://www.tudiabetes.org/xn/detail/583967:Comment:1818437

Personally, I don’t think that the thread reflects poorly on TuDiabetes, but I respect your opinion if you think otherwise.

Last, I do find your comment “It doesn’t matter what any of us want;” to be disrespectful towards the 6 people who selflessly volunteer their time as admins and the few other folks who assist as moderators in various areas of the site. It DOES matter what members want: the admin team (myself, Andreina and Emily, our Office Coordinator included) actively listen and act on the feedback we get and the trends we observe.

But listening doesn’t mean that what every single person wants to see happen will happen. We weigh comments and contributions and based on those and the values of the community, we decide what we think will work in the best interest of most members.

BadMoonT2,
I agree that there were multiple great directions that the thread was taking on. That was part of the cause for the closing of the topic: nobody expects to find useful information about “diabetes alert dogs” in a discussion about why people leave the community. :slight_smile:

There are a number of great discussions on the topic of diabetes alert dogs:
https://forum.tudiabetes.org/topics/service-animals-for-diabetics
https://forum.tudiabetes.org/topics/betheden-kennels-1
https://forum.tudiabetes.org/topics/meet-max-the-diabetessniffing
https://forum.tudiabetes.org/topics/diabetes-service-dog
https://forum.tudiabetes.org/topics/583967:Topic:108565

and there’s even a group about it too:
http://www.tudiabetes.org/group/diabetesalertdogs
http://www.tudiabetes.org/group/diabetesalertdogs

Hope this helps you and others seeking information about diabetes alert dogs.

Mikey,
The closing of the thread was not about closing “Mikey’s thread” (i.e. it was not meant to close YOUR thread) but rather to stop the circles that the discussion was going in within multiple threads that it had spun off of it.

In particular, the point (not raised by you when you started the topic, but one that nevertheless came up) about whether specific members had left or been banned from the community kept coming back and as, an admin team (of which I am very much an active part and whose decisions I am involved in/supportive of), it’s something we cannot be flexible about: it’s a matter of respect for the privacy of other members.

I sincerely wish you choose not to leave the community. If you choose to do so, DO know that your decision will be treated with the same respect we treat the departure of anyone else.

P.S. No need for a helmet. This is no war… (#peacesign) :wink:

Personally, I’m a bit puzzled about the expressed reason for the locking of the thread, since “wandering topics” is a not uncommon characteristic of many threads on here. I’m one of the worst offenders as I tend to do stream of consciousness and will make an effort not wander off too far. But I also think while it can be frustrating (especially to the OP), it is just what happens in group conversations sometimes.

Since this is not an unusual occurance, and there are much longer threads that don’t get locked, I can only guess it is more because of the nature of the thread. I myself find it interesting to hear about how people integrate TuD (and Diabetes itself!) into their lives, or cease to do so. Since I first came online in 1996 I’ve found the ins and the outs of cyberlife fascinating in general, and now how it relates to Diabetes in particular. But yes, the thread did go into some delicate areas, such as talking about people are no longer here and how and why they might have been “booted”. And this seems, to me, more likely why it was locked.

Having worked in a field where personal honesty and openness was very valued, I was used to sometimes our administrators saying “that’s a personnel matter and we can’t discuss it”. While I might have been curious or even concerned about something that had happened with my colleagues, I respected the discretion and knew it is what I would wish if it were me the staff was asking about. So, if I’m correct about why the thread was locked, I think I would have felt more comfortable with something along those lines being said. TuD, like all large organizations sometimes has “dirty linen” that we may or may not want to “air in public”, but I believe we are strong enough to weather the storms. (Ok, done with the cliches for today!)
Zoe

This was the original thread here we are talking about https://forum.tudiabetes.org/topics/why-do-tu-members-leave-the-tu

My original question was about “why TU members leave the TU community?” But now that that thread was locked it really answers the original question I asked. Maybe members abandon TU when their legit topic gets “locked”. How can a topic with “5 likes” and over 140 replies within a few days get locked? I can’t remember the last time I saw a topic with 5 “likes” ever! That was beyond amazing that old members came back from the past to say “hello”. That topic was making the community stronger and had potential to make it even stronger by learning from its mistakes. By locking the thread you have destroyed that strength. I am insulted. I really doubt I’ll ever post here again.
:frowning:
Anyone want to take a vote on whether it should be unlocked? That way we know what the community wants.

Manny,
I respect your decision and the opinion of others who feel threads should be tightly focused. However, it doesn’t bother me at all for a thread to wander, I often find useful information when looking for something else. I was imagining a situation where someone was reading the thread and found out about the existence of the alert dogs for the first time and then does further research and finds the links you referenced.

This is a great site and I appreciate all the work the admins do. I realize you sometimes have to make judgment calls that can make some people unhappy.

Both reasons were behind the locking of the thread, Zoe. Indeed, there was the concern over the privacy of members no longer with us (whether because they left the site or were banned) which kept coming up over and over (hence, the circular reference).

Historically, most of the threads we’ve closed in the past have gone down that path because they became a flame war or they violated the terms of use in some way. However, we have had a number of cases where we’ve also closed topics because they’ve started to go around in circles. In this case, it was both.

I wouldn’t leave b/c a thread got locked. It’s a blip on the radar.

Mikey,
The fact that a topic gets a certain number of likes (which became available in the Forum fairly recently) or number replies is not the basis for it to stay on the site, be removed or be closed. Far more than that goes into such a decision.

I hope you don’t take the closing of the topic as a personal decision towards you (it wasn’t) but rather an admin decision that was based on the facts already discussed. I hope you continue to post here and I certainly hope you don’t leave the community.

Thanks for the clarification, Manny.

So the administrative team thought people would get confused if another topic was intertwined with another topic? I am not trying to start anything I guess I am just trying to understand. This is a social site and socially that is how people communicate, sometimes one broad question can lead to several sub-topics. If it was truly just about people speculating why specific members were not around anymore and the admin team felt it was inappropriate and chose to block that then I can sort of understand. Although in that case I would have just deleted those specific comments because its not like closing it erased it. It may make a new member feel like they can not express themselves if it is not always on the topic…I dont know just my thoughts

I agree a 100% bsc. This is a free space, i ALWAYS felt like that. But as to be a productive and safe area to share and feel respected we need to have limits, and that’s where the admnistration team comes. TuD is a great place to learn, share and feel supported, few days ago i was thinking about how many VALUABLE info I have gotten here, info that none of my docs ever gave me, and I don’t know where else i could get if not here… There are good, smart and well informed people here, lets enjoy that and make our lives better through information + motivation.

Hi I’ll quickly weigh in… On one site where I go (non-diabetes) members are alerted before a discussion is closed down completely. For example, a “stay on topic” warning, prior to the final decision being made. I think that admins have a good reason when they give these warnings – it’s not to hamper discussion, but to prevent it from going in a “snarky” direction that only ends up becoming a big brawl. I think a decent admin can see this coming and that is what happened here, it wasn’t a reflection on the discussion you started, Mikey, but an anticipation of something negative that could come out of it.

Perhaps you can pick up on some of the interesting issues that happened in the course of the discussion in another thread, but one that does not discuss specific members leaving (I did see names named on the original thread, maybe not so good if those members are looking in and seeing people talking about them… I know I’d be pissed if I saw that happening in a public forum).

Yeah I wont take it personally. I’ll brush it off like a high glucose test. I do disagree with it going in circles. I think it was locked to preserve the reputation of Tudiabetes. Every thread basically goes in circles and some more than others and some threads have nothing to do with diabetes. I am glad to see this particular thread here that Acidrock started has “7 likes” and counting. I think that speaks for itself. Ok, I wont say anymore about it.
Word of the day is…“community”.

Ok, I will make a confession. I have been around the block. I have been sanctioned and I have been banned. In all those cases it was the forum moderators “right” to do that and in each and every instance, it was basically my choice of action that led to the end result. Generally, it was my willful violation of the terms of use enforced by the moderator. Yes, those terms may have been “bad” and “stupid” in my eyes, but it wasn’t my forum. And if I had really thought about it, maybe I shouldn’t have joined those forums.



But here at tudiabetes, we have a pretty open terms of use. The real boundary is that we have to treat each other with respect, no personal attacks, no hair pulling and no scratching (oh and no commercial advertising). After that, we can pretty much talk about anything we want. But there are social boundaries to protect and privacy is one of them.



And in my view, the moderators are trying to protect our members. And they probably considers even those who have been banned to still in some sense to be members of our broad diabetes community. We should not talk members who are not present behind their backs because they are not there to defend themselves. Jews even have a word to describe it, “Lashon Hara.” Lashon hara is not about telling lies, it is about gossip behind someones back, that may well be perfectly true but can be harmful. I ask that we give Manny and the admins a respectful distance on this and that we not publicly discuss specific members who are not present even if you have information on these matters.



I think we all wonder about our friends who disappear. I know some specific members who I’ve lost touch with and been worred. That is a good thing. But we still must respect each other’s privacy. And if someone chooses to leave and does not want contact, or has been banned. These are private matters.



I don’t have any issue with the closing of the thread, it continued to verge on the boundary of Lashon hara. It is not personal, it was just one of the many difficult decisions that had to made for the community.