Joe, regardless of the ultimate diagnosis of “type”, it really doesn’t matter w.r.t. where you are right now. You are a severely out of control diabetic, and in terms of how you feel, your symptoms, and treating them, the prescription is the same regardless: You need to get your blood sugar under control.
I’m T2, and I’ve been exactly where you are. I understand the “fear” of insulin. If I may, it’s not really the insulin itself that’s scary, but what it MEANS to have to start taking it, how it will impact your life day to day, that it’s forever, and that this says something about failure and deterioration or, a word I’ve used before, you’re more “enfeebled”. Does that about sum up what you’re capturing with the word, “fear”?
I’ve got some comforting words for you. After that first day of taking insulin you will become a convert. Here’s what’s actually going to happen to you, and it will likely be large and dramatic. You will quickly feel SOOOOOO much better!
Your head will clear up and you’ll feel sharper than you have in a very long time.
Your appetite will come back strong, and eating will be a joy, rather than something you feel like you have to force.
You will have a TON of energy.
You will immediately cease being massively thirsty, drinking gallons, then having to pee all the time.
Any difficulties passing urine will go away.
I understand this fear. It feels like you’re crossing a line from “regular diabetic” to “ill diabetic”. Nothing could be further from the truth. Indeed, you’re very ill right now, doing a lot of damage to your body (slowly), and insulin is the way to make you well.
Once you get going, get a routine, and have this under control, you’re going to wish you had started this years ago.
This forum is one of the best places on the planet to learn about how to get yourself healthy and happy with insulin. We can help, and are happy to.
I myself use an Omnipod pump to administer insulin, and a Dexcom CGM to monitor my blood sugar. Start with shots (the “pens” are a great way to go), but don’t be afraid of looking at a pump in the near future. It seems to be another “hurdle” many people are wrongly afraid of, again seeing it as a further step of getting sicker/worse/feeble. Again, nothing could be further from the truth… it’s just a technology for delivering insulin, with much finer control, automation, and convenience. It’s also a lot more complicated, so you have to be willing to take that on.
Best of luck to you, and please report back to us about how you’re doing after you start insulin.
A final note: I’d urge you to discuss starting a basal/bolus regimen right away with your doctor, not just adding a long-acting basal insulin to your treatment protocol. While that approach is logistically much simpler, the best outcome will require bolus injections of fast-acting when you eat to really keep things where they need to be, given what you’ve described above.