What have you done for the past 24 hours? Some people I know have woken up and realized summer was over and their kids had their first day of school today, some other people I know are trying to keep the remainder last few days of summer before college starts back up. However you've spent your last 24 hours I have a question... was it in an ongoing never ending battle with yourself to save your life?
Welcome to a rough 24 hours in the life of a Blessed Diabetic who fights 24/7/365 to live for one purpose only, to bring glory to God through all aspects of my life including my Type 1 Diabetes.
It all started last night at supper time, i counted my carbohydrates (carbs) correctly and prepared to take my insulin but upon checking my blood sugar I found out that I was low and my dexcom was buzzing like crazy at this point because it assumed I was lower than I actually was. So after making dinner for my husband and trying to have a nice relaxing evening it was interrupted by my low blood sugar. I had to drink a Capri Sun and wait... I had to wait until my blood sugar was at at least 90 before I could eat my now cold dinner in front of me. Once it came back up I did a combo bolus (which means I took 40 percent of my insulin at once with the other 60 percent to be taken in two hours) I was all ready to go ate my fill and thought everything would be fine. I thought wrong....
About an hour after eating, my blood sugar didn't rise like I had expected post meal it was actually going down. I was at 120 then 110 then 80 at 80 I knew with an the insulin I had on board I'd crash for sure so I drank another Capri Sun, waited 15 minutes and checked my Blood Sugar again to find that it was now 65 and I was starting to feel my low. I did the only thing I could think of, I drank another Capri Sun, suspended my insulin delivery and just waited, because really that's all you can do in that moment is wait and pray, my husband and I did a lot of that. I waited for 15 minutes and saw my blood sugar was at 110 I figured I was safe so I restarted my insulin pump but kept an eye on it. About a half hour later I started feeling all shakey again and knew something wasn't right. My dexcom kept saying I was low so I decided to stop and check and sure enough I was. So now we're at three juice boxes in two hours and I know I ate 40 carbs but here I was, in the midst of another low and so sick of juice. I found marshmallows and ate four of them, three by their self and the fourth as a s'mores. Finally I expected my blood sugar to not crash anymore, so I was now waiting for the dread "high" after correcting. I waited, one hour, nothing... I set my alarm to wake me up in an hour, checked my blood sugar no rise. I decide to bolus 2 units for the extreme amount of carbs I had consumed and could only pray that God would wake me to deal with any issues. So just like many other nights, I closed my eyes, said a prayer and tried to get some sleep, knowing that I could either go very high which is uncomfortable or very low which is deadly. Every night I go to sleep I pray and trust that God will wake me in case of an emergency. He's been faithful every night for the past 7 years.
Upon morning I woke up and did have a very high blood sugar, it was 311 not a number I'm used to seeing anymore. I was hungry, I mean that empty pit in your stomach hungry, so ready to eat breakfast but I couldn't. I had once again come to the time where I knew eating was a bad idea and I needed to refrain, so as my husband ate 3 scrambled eggs with toast I dined on 8 units of insulin for my breakfast. I waited four hours for the insulin to wear off and my blood sugar to be normal in order to eat. I finally ate a half whole wheat ham and cheese sandwich counted my carbs to 17 and waited. As a diabetic you wait A LOT. I waited and I felt it, that horrible sleepy heavy thirsty feeling that you get when you're high. I was cotton mouthed and felt like diabetes was draining me of all the moisture in my body, I downed a huge class of water and took insulin to correct. There should have been no issue to correct but one thing you learn about diabetes is that you can count everything perfectly right and still you have unexplained highs and lows. It took me another five hours to get my blood sugar back down, then I had to make the choice... do I even try to eat lunch? I just roll my eyes and don't want to but I know I need to. So I do, I revisit the dinner from last night that made me crash so much and I ate the same portion just to find a totally different result.
Instead of crashing I felt that familiar foggy brain and instant anger that happens with high blood sugar. My dexcom buzzed me and said hey your above 200! I then began to take insulin to correct, I tried and tried to take the "right" amount but really who can count the "right" amount when you don't know if you're still climbing? I had to check my blood sugar every 30 minutes for the next two hours, just for it to keep climbing no matter how much correcting I did. Finally I just broke and decided to take 3 units to go with my 6 units on board to drop me 189 points, i had just had it at that point. I took the insulin and waited... I waited an hour to check and see that I only dropped 50 points! So I knew that I was dropping to slow and would need more insulin, so instead of having dinner tonight I'm having insulin until it's safe again to eat.
So tell me, do you have to fight every waking and sleeping moment of the day to keep yourself alive? If you do, I know you understand how this little snapshot of my life with Type 1 is all too common. And you know that when you get frustrated and want to cry or scream it's a lonely time because chances are you don't know anyone else dealing with your disease. Well I'm here to tell you that I do understand and I do deal with it, every minute of the day and night. I get it and I'm here for you.
We are actually quite blessed to be so weak because it is how we respond in our weakness that shows our strength and our self control. I wanted to just throw all pasta on the floor and rid my house of all carbs today but I didn't, because I knew it wasn't the answer. So I broke down and prayed to God for his help, his healing and his grace. God is always there for us, and his throne is already there for us to clilng to in moments when we need his grace. Never be afraid to call our and ask him for it. He tells us in Hebrews 4:16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
God Bless You!