Missy…I hear you, I feel you. I so totally understand the desire to disappear, and that I wouldn’t be missed. I’ve even prayed for GOD to just take me - I can get pretty low myself. It is what led me to therapy, and how to get some boundries for myself, and the energy to take care of my health issues. I’m not at my goal yet, and I still want to help everyone else before my own needs are met, but I work diligently at it. I am not the middle child, but have always been “the go to person”, and when I hit a low point in my life - which began with lost my job, my partner, my house, and my dog died…then I was diagnosed with diabetes, heart disease, depression, and anxiety disorder!!! Yikes I was so overwhelmed - and it can sneak up on me today. I really felt like those that I had always “been” available to when they needed emotional support let me down…didn’t take care of me in the same way that I took care of them…it is a tough place to be…but I encourage you to find the things in life that give you a reason to get up, take care of yourself FIRST! I know it smacks against all that we were trained to be - whether that is our place in the familial line up or being woman…who knows…doesn’t matter…I deplor you to find things about your self and life in general to make you want to stay alive…to get that “light” inside of you to burn brighter again. Hearing impaired or not…you have a great sense of expression…do you dance? paint? What brings happiness to you?
