All right we are to the point now. DAMN

Last night was HELL trying to find a place to put my foot that didn’t hurt. I might have gotten two hours sleep, maybe…but the foot still hurts, the knees still hurt and my heart is hurting more also.

I asked Bill to please take me to the er last night hey I am sorry he goes to work so damn early after dinner, I am sorry taht I don’t…he doesn’t know how much I would love to find a job that would allow me to what I can…but that’s NOT the important part now. I later called and asked if he could come home take me, and then we’d work out how to get me home. Nope, can’t do it. So I stayed home. and lived though this hell.

So ow I know that I can’t trust him to be there when I need him. The job is more important, it always has been with each and every job he has had, the employer wins and I lose. I hate to be such a B*^ch, but come on. 34 years ought to get me some kind of loyalty too. My sugars are up, I know that, I haven’t been good about watching them, I need to get myself back to square one, and no more “faking” it. Time to count those carbs; take the meds; get to the pool and quit acting like everything is normal.

I need an attitude transplant and that’s all there is to it. SUCKS I know, but then my life rather sucks now, so let’s make it 100%. IT’s time…and I can’t mess around anymore. I’ve learned after this that if I don’t take care of me, who is? I’ve learned that I am not in control of my life, but I will be in control of this. I want to say no more playing games with this, the “D” word is the only answer to the financial part of disability, and sticking to plans will help with my other “D” word.

Crap. I’d for sure like to take the pink pill and call it done. But I am a fighter, and I will win this one…I will.