So today was a just over 300 bs morning, i am learning to let things go a bit more, obviously i am not ok with this but overreacting and asking him over and over to do what i would do in this situation is not going to help him 'own it'. to his credit he willingly tested for blood ketones, but after poking himself 10 times to get enough blood he got an error and gave up, he refused the extra offer for more water and declined to test for urine ketones. i suspect he was high because of extra fat and finishing the easter candy yesterday. he hates doing extra testing at school so hopefully if he is over 300 at lunch he will do the right thing and change his pod. there have been many mornings that i have really let this type of morning drop me into despair, of course i will worry about him today, but is being a forceful helicoptor mom the answer.... i am very involved in his D management but at 14 he is stepping up and asking me to step back a bit, i think this is necessary for him to own this successfully. if i micromanage every bs of his, every decision i think i am not serving him well, just wanted to vent a bit and perhaps see how other moms of teens deal with this time. overall he does great A1c was 7 last time probably a bit higher now but this is not going away and i think i need to allow him to own this more to help him in the long run. any thoughts..... amy
I think you are moving in the right direction, Amy. I have replied about my folks to your other posts. Be there if he needs you, help when he asks, and try really hard not to judge his progress. He will do well and then terribly, but he will learn.
Also, keep in mind that high and low readings are not always his "fault." High and low glucose readings are caused by many things besides insulin and carbs--stress, weather changes, reactions to food, etc.
Just my two cents... I think it's a little easier on the young ones, but at 300 at least I "feel" the high bg (feel sluggish, have to go pee much more often) and don't need any stupid meter to remind me of it.
When I was young and just introduced to bg tests... man I hated bg tests. Especially when my bg was sky high and I knew it anyway. Oh I hated it. I am less resentful now but I remember hating it. Did I mention I hated bg tests that just told me what I already knew?
ok i get you hate testing!! the thing with jacob is he doesnt tend to feel off unless he has been really high for quite some time.... i wish he would wake up to pee during the night when he is running high but this is rare. lets just hope the rest of the day goes better, he left with a smile i think because i did not badger him, not that i blame, i just do the run through, drink extra make sure you test at lunch bla bla bla but i played it a bit lighter so hopefully he has a good day at school. thanks for input! amy
If it makes you feel any better, I don't always hate bg testing! Really, I do not leave the house today without having my meter in my pocket. I would feel naked without it.
I certainly did not feel that way when I was a teenager! Three decades ago!
But there are times where yet another meter reading is not actually helping any. Reminding myself over and over again that my bg is messed up at the moment, is not good psychologically. I suspect your son is in the same place.
And yes, while I might "feel" 300 more effectively today than when I was a teenager and young and spry, I'm sure he's feeling it. Getting up to go pee every half hour is a pretty strong reminder that things aren't honkey-dorey.
Amy, I so enjoyed this post. I also realize how incredibly difficult it is to let go, even a tiny bit when the mother tiger in you is screaming protect your young. But it is just another step forward in the evolution of a man who with your help will thrive and continue to learn and grow and manage his D.
Congrats to you on the progress and to him on owning his D, it is a life skill that will serve him well.
I agree with Clare, Amy, I am so impressed with your willingness to step back and let go a bit, while still being available to Jacob. When I was in the Type 1 women's group I heard the stories of a lot of women about when they were teens. And when they were able to own it themselves that is when they thrived with their D. I know it's hard (or I can imagine, not being a mom, I don't really know). And I am proud of you!
Amy, I know its not easy. I don't think being a mother of a teenager is EVER easy D or not, but I think you are doing the right thing. He will have this his whole life and to learn to manage successfully for ANY of us, is trial and error. The last thing you want is a D who is rebelling completely. The high fat dinner and left over Easter candy may very well have contributed to his morning high. From this he'll learn either cut back on the Easter candy, limit it to a single piece, OR watch the fat content of what he is eating, or mindful that when we do step out of our normal eating patterns for holidays and such, more frequent testing is needed. For many reasons. It's hard but I think you are doing an incredible thing for your son, turning over more and more of his management to him, and step back and letting him "own" it. All teens have to grow up, and all of us parents need to be their if they want our support, but we all need to learn to let them go a bit and spread their wings.
thanks all for your support and kind words, i know this is the right thing for him! his new found hungry teen horrors do not help but at least he always boluses for what he eats!
Amy:
Quite correct, stand BEHIND "the line", its his ride. Now as a grown woman, his mother, you can change the channel on him, and get through his force-fields of independence, rebellion, so forth. Treat him as you would a teen with a hang over, for example.
Calls for acting on your part, BUT, if you can do it, knowing he feels like dirt, you can chuckle, and ask him how 300 felt/feels, and mean it, without the mommy protecting him aspect. Just a woman, The "not caring" act, if convincing, will bring him to the "responsibility" table. If you gently mock him, tease him playfully, you might register...
Does not matter HOW it gets past the "defenses", as long as it does so, right?
At some point, you can step in, and stop being "watcher", and step in with the full force of righteous parent. Serious trouble, pull him back onto the proverbial raft. Not staying together, on track, you, dad anybody gets to give him a "diabetic vacation" 48-72 hours, you do it ALL for him, no arguments. At the end of that time, its entirely his again. For 2-3 days its yours (someone else's) again. Gives us a mental health break, a rest if, when it gets ugly...
Changing the proverbial channel penetrates, if the same monotone routine is the only way you've addressed the issue previously. As parents we do forget how to get them to hear us, a radical change, something that makes them go HUNNNGH, what did she/he just say.. whoaaaaaaaa, what the.... what did she just say?
Amy:
You are doing the right thing. Ask yourself is it better to let him fail outside of your influence or while around your influence? I submit it is better while under your influence. Look 14 year olds need a way back when things fail terribly. I think you are giving him that way back without going overboard. Trust me, if he is 18 years old you will never know and if you do you will never know again if you offer parental discipline.
I met a diabetic on this site who asked if at 17 I ever diluted my blood in order to show my mom a better blood sugar result? I said no, but just because when I was 17 I used urine testing. Oh and yes I diluted my urine in order to get a lower result.
So here is my suggestion. Keep on keeping on. Give him more leeway and afterward, not during do a review. Not a preach, do it like this what could have been better what was ok, how did you get out of it?
Amy you have an amazing kid here. I can feel it. He is 14 and wants to step up, well guess what 14 year olds make mistakes. He is only an amazing kid because you taught him well. Embrace that part.
Remember, he will take car eof himself when he is sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Rick
Oh one more thing, I am guessing that at 300 he is not at DKA. If I were at 300 for a day Id check my keytones but short of that I'd lower my blood sugar. If he sticks himself that number of times and fails I would let it go. First off he is either messing with you in which case he will not get the testing done no matter what or his fingers are not going to work. Either way it is likely time to give it up for the moment. Others may disagree with me and some might comment to say differently. But for me I would let it go and force the blood sugar down. Or, I would do the DKA test later when things are not operating at such a level of angst.
thanks for your input rick, it's is scary to hear of teens lying to their parents about their bs's with jacob we all might get rattled about his bs's being off but we do not judge, ever! he may perceive this a bit at times but that is not my intention and i remind him of that. he knows the numbers are there to guide his dosing and see what we need to do next time, we usually can track things down to why the numbers are off, i also agree with you on the ketone testing i usually just ask him on school days because it will be at least 5 hours till his next test and it makes ME feel better. i clearly need to change his lancets, at 14 i highly doubt he will be thinking of that! the blood ketone testing is a bother because it requires so much blood. interesting he really was in a pretty good mood that morning, he agreebly tried the blood ketone testing and i really think he felt good because he was in control of his decisions. work in progress, but i really am proud of both of our commitments to not let D dominate our lives. i really think at this point in his life he should be learning and taking on more responsibility as he is but asking him to change his diet or read think like a pancreas would be asking to much! thanks again! amy
good insight, that is usually my MO when he gets in his grumpy teen mood, withdraw, he is a bit of a sensitive kid and usually comes around quick and will pipe up with an i love you mom from his room, like his dad he needs a lot of approval (lol). but changing my tone is a good idea. the D vacation is also a good idea at some point right now he is working on doing more and more when he gets tired of this we can certainly give him a vaca! thanks again for your thoughts,hope all is well with you! amy
Amy - there is a new meter I got in the mail the other day called the Nova. It is made in MA and the company is in Bedford I believe. The meter itself is total crap for blood sugars, but it did come with 2 blood ketone strips that don't appear to take any more blood than the other strips. You might want to get a freebie like that and just stick it in the closet for the eventual blood ketone use. Mine is currently stashed away with the 2 free strips.http://www.novacares.com/free_meter.php here is the website for the freebie
I think you're making the right choice. I think the important thing is that you're letting him learn how to do it while you're still around, rather than say when he goes off to college or uni later in life and you're not there to step in when things go wrong to the same extent. He will make mistakes and there will be times when things go wild for no reason. It is important for him to feel that you don't think it is his fault or that he can't do it. Even if he does have a rought patch, his control up until now is excellent so in the long run a rough patch hopefully won't hurt him but it will teach him and give him the tools he needs to manage his condition as an adult without running into problems then that might be harder to fix. Good luck.
I was diagnosed at 14, so at his age, I had gone through the worst of the teen years and my parents for the most part let me run the show. The thing that always annoyed me was the constant repetition of "how's your BG?" It drove me BONKERS! So I do think you are doing right by trying to step back and let him handle it. as painful as it would be, He has to fail all on his own before he can succeed and do everything himself. I was (and still am!) a horrible, horrible diabetic eating sugar like crazy making my BG skyrocket, so the doc raised my ratios, which in turn made my BG plummet if I didn't eat tons of sugar. I felt like I had to lie to my parents and my doc for fear of disappointment. So yes, he probably will lie to you. I even put the control solution on my test strips a few times to have a good reading when I knew my mom was going to look at my meter. The things a person will do when desperate...
I was all cranky about having to do a log when I was getting my pump (2008, I was 39...) and immediately said "&%$@ that, I'll just make it up..." but, once I sat down to do that, I realized that it was more work to fictionalize what I was doing than to write it down.