Alright, so I just got off the phone with my mother. Somehow we got into a discussion about my pump and Christmas, and I made an offhand comment about wanting a functioning pancreas for Christmas. Just FYI, all the diabetes in my family is on my mother’s side, NONE on my father’s side. Well, she says, “I gave you one already (when I was born), I don’t think I owe you another.” I might be overreacting, but this comment upset me. One, because she clearly did NOT give me a functional pancreas, since it no longer works the way it’s supposed to. And two, the way she phrased it made it sound like “Well, I gave you one that worked, and you broke it.” Like those people who don’t understand think diabetes is caused by eating to much sugar, etc. I’m tempted to call her back and ask for an apology for that comment. Am I overreacting, or do I have a legitimate argument?
I obviously don’t know your mother, or the relationship you guys have, but maybe she just feels bad about you having diabetes and doesn’t really know how to express it? I’m going for a positive answer here. lol it’s the holidays, everyone is a little on edge. =) Good luck with whatever you decided to do!! =)
Well… You show me somebody who can describe their relationship with their mother in less than 10 pages, and I’ll show you the happiest person on the block. But anyway… My mother is a wonderful person, she can be absolutely wonderful. She can also be undermining, sarcastic, and manipulative. So I guess she’s the typical Italian mother. But I would like to think that you are right and she just is not sure how to go about expressing her feelings. Thanks for the reply.
I dont think you’re over reacting, i’d be confused and upset if my mom said that to me too. I think that her comment will bug you and stay on your mind until you let her know that it hurt your feelings. Even if she doesnt think it was out of line, its healthy to talk about it and at least figure out what she meant to get across by saying it. She may not even be aware that it upset you at all because sometimes, non-diabetics just dont “get it”
Let it go. It’s nobody’s fault you have diabetes. It’s just something that happens. Type 1 Diabetes doesn’t start out with a dysfunctioning pancreas. Your immune system attacks your pancreas. It’s an autoimmune disease like lupus, multiple sclerosis, etc.
Regardless, it’s nobody’s fault.
Let it go Ryan.
You are a big boy and it is your diabetes and you have to live with it, not her! You do whatever feels right and don’t let anybody’s comments get in the way of your thinking no matter how negative.When I wanted to go on the pump it was my decision and nobody persuaded me.You do whatever feels right!
I would say let it go. Calling back and asking for an apology won’t solve the problem. Your profile shows that you are newly diagnosed. It could be the two of are not ready to joke about diabetes in that way. She’s your mom and as you have said she is great, but maybe she isn’t feeling so great right now. My mom had a hard time with it and worried about me a lot. She may have felt a bit of responsibility for the situation. But don’t let her, show her how good you are doing and let her know how healthy you are and don 't be afraid to share the bad stuff too. I think the people we love don’t always know how or what to ask.
Don’t stay angry with, but don’t let your feelings stay hurt either. Talk to her and tell her how you feel. Mommies LOVE that stuff!
Hi Ryan, if you look at it from a different angle, maybe she thought that you are angry at her because you have D (like you are making her responsible because you have it) and she reacted like she was “attacked” herself. She might be thinking the same thing as you, that you owe her an apology. Just a thought.
You will never know until you talk about it with her. It’s always helpful to talk about our feelings like “I felt hurt when you said that because I felt like…” rather than to say “you said that and owe me an apology”, she will feel attacked and shut down. Why not clear the air before Christmas? Unless your mom isn’t open to resolving issues (I don’t know your mom, but some people like to sweep things under the rug and think that if you don’t talk about it, than it will all be okay -> time heals all wounds, well I don’t think it does, but that’s my opinion). Talking with her will go either way, she could get angry or she could be okay with it, it can have an affect on how Christmas will feel like if you see your mom then. Good luck,
as a sad side note to this discussion, i was recently looking at the diabetes paraphernalia on cafepress.com, some of which is quite funny, but was struck by the shirt reading, “all i want for my bar mitzvah is a cure for juvenile diabetes”
(i did end up purchasing a sweat shirt with a little boy eating oreos while proclaiming, i want your pancreas!..)
Hi Gina, I share your view. Mothers always feel guilty when their children are getting sick. If it is family related then these feelings will be much stronger.
My question to Ryan: Do you really want to blame her for your type 1? Is life with D that bad? What about having kids for yourself? Do you really want to deny yourself kids because of 5% likelyhood that this child develops type 1? Wasn’t it great that your mother has choosen to have children despite of the family tree?
I think you should apply more fairness here - to yourself and to your mother.
It’s hard to comment without understanding the context of the conversation or your relationship with your mother, but one could make an argument that although you may have been “given” a functioning pancreas at birth, your parents also gave you the destructive genes for autoimmunity, too (my response to a comment like that would be “Gee, thanks for the self-destructing “gift”, Mom, hopefully you’ve stopped giving lemons like that one!”). I don’t think you are overreacting, but only you can determine if a follow-up is worth the effort.