And One Number

And One Number... I woke up today to a bright, shining day my number was good, a 79

and off a meet up where others
i hoped to greet
the smile on my face soon turned
when for coffee 'twas just me and my mother

with numbers still good, a 107 before lunch
off to the next stop we went
and talked and talked a bunch
laughing too along the way and it was a day well spent

but home again, tired and irritable
moody and snappy on the phone
a 57 out of the blue and suddenly i was alone
what if i messed things up, because i went too low?
quickly downing dextrose tabs and ginger ale
sending “i’m sorry” via email

went downstairs to eat real food
once i was back at 82
texting "i’m sorry, check your email"
and wondering “what did i do”

why does so much matter on a silly number
a snapshot into time
that five second photograph
can mean be one’s life on the line
and living life with diabetes
you don’t ever get a vacation
a full time job that no one wants
you can never start, pause, or quit.
insulin is better than no cure at all
but it certainly a cure it isn’t
like holding your islet cells
together with tape, staples, and glue…
and waiting to see which one is best for you.
pump, regular, Lantus, NPH, Log, Lente, Ultralente,
can i get a cgm?
dr. is it up to you?
yes, living with d is a full time job, and it’s learning a new language too.
i’ll do it if it means
living a longer life
seeing one more day
looking outside at the garden, the flowers the sunshine
the warm summertime
one more season
one more year
i’ll do it for you
with courage, with fear
you’d do it for me
(you say you can’t, but i know you can)
when will it end,
injections no more,
the lancets and ketone strips, glucometers
things of the past
a dream, a dream
a very good dream
no carb counts
no pumps
no bolusing per cupcake
just food
its food
not to treat a low
or holding off because of a high high
no strange looks
when you say "i’m high"
or "i shot up"
or other dThings
silly dLanguage
that only ds get
is this a dream?
sorry, not a dream
just a day
in the life
of a 24year old

~ aliza

Very cool! Thanks for sharing!

Well done! :slight_smile:

Thanks for the dLove, BMD and karebear1966! I really, really appreciate it! I was apprehensive about sharing my first dPoem online, and it really makes me feel stronger to have support from my fellow DOC family members! It is also very healing to write a poem after a rough moment like this, and be able to share it with people who understand what it is actually like to feel like this. When I shared it with the person about whom the poem it was written, it was like a whole new world opened up, and I was able to allow that person to come one step closer into my dWorld… a world that I desperately hope that nobody ever has to join or feel.