Attitude / etiquette question

I just finished posting about my new A1C and all while I was writing I kept feeling uncomfortable about saying what I wanted to say, and I’d like to hear other people’s thoughts on this topic.

What happened is that my new A1C is higher than I want it to be, and that scares me – BUT – at the same time I don’t want to seem like a big baby, or even insensitive, fretting and complaining about a number that may seem great to people who are struggling with much higher numbers.

There’s also the T1 vs. T2 thing, which I was not really aware of until I joined this site. I censor my comments a lot because I don’t want to offend T1’s who seem to resent T2’s because we “have it easy,” saying things like, “I’d gladly trade my lows and insulin pump for your Metformin and jog around the block.” (Realizing of course that not all T1’s think that!)

My feeling is that we’re all here for the same reason – to share support and hopefully also share good information about how to manage our condition. But I’m still a little afraid of stepping on people’s toes.

Anyone else ever feel that way?

Well…this is a Type II discussion forum, so it would seem like we could talk freely about how it is for Type IIs. I think each type has different challenges, and sometimes we might envy the other group for various reasons (I know we ALL envy those who have no diabetes, but then other people have their own challenges…they are just different). The point for us to to share how it is for us.

No one has it “easy” sweetpotater. Don’t be afraid to say what you want and don’t hold back. The whole point is to get things off your chest and to swap ideas with others and learn some new things. If there is ever an issue I’m sure it will get resolved, but don’t hold back.

I’m a type 1 and have learned from both type 1 and 2. Also had great support from both, we are different in some ways but the same in others.

Hi Sweetpotater. I’m a type 1 invading in the type 2 forum… because I think that the question that you raise is really important.

We all have unique struggles. And I think that the line cannot only be drawn between type 1 and type 2. For a whole host of reasons, some people have a harder time controlling their blood sugars than others. I noticed even among type 1’s that sometimes people write that “big mistakes” make their blood sugar go REALLY HIGH (and to me, that “really high” doesn’t seem so bad).

Our perspectives vary so much based on our experiences.

I think that it is great that you want to be sensitive to the feelings of others, but you should also feel free to post about your struggles and ask for support and ideas. It might be a good idea to write your post in such a way that expresses that you are concerned about the increase more than the actual level. You can even not write the actual levels. We can all relate to concerns over increased A1c levels.

It took me years to figure out how to get my A1c below 7. Years ago, a 7.2 A1c was something that I celebrated! Now I would cry if I got a 7.2. I am a 26 year old with type 1 wanting to start a family and I need to get my A1c down below 6 and keep it there. So now i set my standard differently. The question of what is a good A1c is so relative, but EVERYONE can relate to the fact that an increase in an A1c is NO FUN!

Because our community is so diverse, we need to consider how other people will feel when they read what we write, but we should also feel free to express concerns when we have them! Chances are, you are never alone!

Thanks for the input, everyone. It’s so helpful to have a safe space to talk about all this with people who really know what it’s like to live with “the D.” I actually get a lot of great insights and perspective from topics on the other forums as well – our “types” of diabetes may be different but we all share the goal of trying to keep our blood sugar under control, whatever that means for each of us. I’m learning a lot here and that makes me happy!

I’m Type 1. Wouldn’t speak for anyone else, but I don’t think Type 2’s have it any easier. In some ways, I think Type 2 is actually more difficult. All I have to do is take insulin. Ok, no day at the beach, but it’s straight forward. Reading posts from Type 2’s who dread being on insulin & their worries about sinking to being a Type 1 makes me realize how much anxiety surrounds being Type 2.

Want to chime in that you should feel free to express your thoughts & feelings. Tu D should be a safe zone to say what you need to say. Of course, that means being attuned to other people’s beliefs & feelings, but you’re clearly a caring, sensitive person. Don’t think you’d step on toes. Hey, say what you like!

As for those who can’t understand your conern over a higher A1c & reply that they wish theirs was as low as yours, they’re not being particularly empathic. I think sometimes people say that to be supportive & encouraging, not necessarily being envious or intentionally insensitive. It’s like people saying “it could be worse.” Yea, anything could always be worse, but that has no bearing on what a person is experiencing at that moment. It’s a useless thing to say & insensitive, but it’s the best they can offer.

Agree–hopefully, we’re all here to share, learn & grow.

“I don’t need to have an opinion on Everything!” I’m going to write that one down. That sounds like something one of my teachers would say … and it’s so useful to remember. I started studying Buddhism in the 80s and finally reached a point where I felt I’d really conquered my tendency to always want to fabricate a big drama around everything “important” that happened in my life … and then I was diagnosed as T2 and got to start learning that lesson all over again. It’s been great for my practice, in a weird way.

Thanks, Debb. I definitely believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt – you just never know what suffering may be hidden just under the surface of someone else’s apparently “perfect” life. Most people really do mean their comments to be helpful – if they didn’t care, they wouldn’t be on this site.

And yeah, I didn’t understand about metabolism either, until I started researching diabetes and finally figured out why I’d been so freaking HUNGRY all the time for the last several years. I still struggle with that but it’s a lot better now that my BG is under better control.

Yeah, I’ve really been touched by how careful people try to be of each other’s feelings here – not always easy to do when all you really know of the person is their words on a screen.

Re. insulin, I’ve learned from T1’s not to be afraid of it anymore. When I was first diagnosed it was my worst fear – what if I have to go on INSULIN?! I still hope I can keep enough beta cells functioning to avoid that, but if I ever do need it, what a great feeling to know there’s a whole community of people who can help me figure out how to make it work.

So, it isn’t just the R&R MS folks fighting against the PP MS folks! Forgive me for bringing up the MS again but I’ve had it longer than the diabetes and I’m a little more informed about it than I am about my type2. I think there’s always infighting in every support group. I often think there would be less if it were required to hold a posting for say maybe 3 hours before it’'s released for all to see. Maybe then cooler less angry, hurt, frustrated, jealous, contemptable or just plain peeved minds might prevail. IMHO

Interesting idea! I do like it that TuDiabetes gives you 15 minutes after posting, to edit comments if you want. I’ve made a lot of use of that feature!

The infighting was weird to me … hadn’t seen that anywhere before. But then, this is the first real support group I’ve been part of. It’s been interesting to learn so much about all the kinds of diabetes – and I agree with some who have said it might useful to have different names for the different types – not just “type #” or whatever, which sort of implies that diabetes is the same for everyone. Sometimes it seems like the main thing we all have in common is not necessarily a disease but a symptom (blood glucose problems), with several different “diseases” that cause it. Not that that’s a small thing to have in common! Or maybe that’s oversimplifying … Someone please correct me if I’m misunderstanding this.

In any case, I think it’s cool that such a large and diverse group of people is coming together here to try to help each other learn. Thanks, everyone!

I totally understand where you are coming from. I don’t think you need to censor yourself. I also think that is why there are different sections of the forums, so that if people don’t want to see things about the other disorder, they don’t have to look at it.

I think you should be able to post about your A1C going up, because you are trying to have tight control, and tight control is only a GOOD thing.

There’s been infighting on EVERY online discussion forum or group I’ve ever joined. Why should this be different? As long as people are committed to giving each other the chance to explain themselves and discuss problems respectfully, it will work.