Back to square one (and a little history)

So I had a doctors appt today.

9.3 A1c. I was not thrilled.

I have been diagnosed Type 1 for 9 years now. When I first found out I was 16 years old and had no clue what was going on. It was scary but kinda cool at the same time. You see that first day when I found out I had diabetes I had an amazing experience with the Lord.

At age 16 I had known Christ as my Saviour for 9 years. I loved the Lord and really strived to make him “in charge” of my life. The problem was, I had never really had to rely on Him for anything. I had a great childhood with amazing parents so honestly it wasn’t that hard to live the “Christian Life”. When I found out I was diabetic, however, I was devastated. No one in my family has any history of diabetes or anything. I knew nothing about this disease and I was terrified. The day I found out, I came home and tried to eat my first meal - I had no clue what to do. I was scared to put anything into my mouth. After dinner my parents went to the other room and I was alone in the kitchen. At that point, I broke down and began to cry out to the Lord. I needed him! I desperately needed Him for what felt like the first time in my life (even though I know we can’t make it one day without Him). I knew that there was no way I could function with this disease without Him. I needed Him to guide me and give me strength. I committed there in my kitchen that night that no matter what, I was going to give this disease into His hands and let Him pull me through.

And for the next 5 years - all was almost perfect.

For the first 2 years, I went into a honeymoon period and was completely off insulin for a while. The rest of the time I was on minimal amounts of 70/30.

After that, I started to come out of my honeymoon but was still having a pretty easy time. I never really counted carbs or figured out insulin to carb ratios or anything. I was on Lantus and Novolog and I pretty much eyeballed for the amounts. My A1c was consistently below 7.0

Then things started to get a little crazy. I guess my honeymoon was completely over by this point because I kept having to take more and more insulin. In probably 6 months I doubled the amount of insulin I was taking per meal.

My doctor and I decided to try the pump. I was on an Animas pump and absolutely loved it. It was so convenient and simple. I still eyeballed my bolus amounts but I seemed to be getting it right and things went pretty well. But after only 4 months or so, I started noticing some real problems. It seemed sometimes I would be very sensitive to the insulin and other times I would have to take TONS just to cover a normal meal. I played around with different basal rates at different times of the day and everything but nothing seemed to work. It was during this period that I had my first A1c over 8.0 in my 7 years of having the disease.

My doctor finally came to the conclusion that I was building up scar tissue at my injection sites and was not healing as fast as most people. I guess it took those 4 months for me to start running out of sites before I had to start going back to the same ones. I kept with it for about 8 more months. I switched back to the Lantus/Novolog combination but I was injecting in the same places that had built up that scar tissue so that didn’t go well either.

Then last February I started on Exubera (inhaled insulin). I still use Lantus but since I’m only taking 1 shot a day instead of 4 or 5, I haven’t had near as many issues with scar tissue. The Exubera has been really good for me and I’ve had much more consistent results.

On the other hand, somewhere in the mix of all that I think I got prideful. I got it stuck in my mind that I could handle this thing no matter what. I quit praying for the Lord to help me and I started leaving Him out of the equation all together. I took for granted the years He gave me where I didn’t have to really work at this thing. Now, even though the Exubera is working for me, I am not exercising or eating right. I apparently have lost my knack for “eyeballing” how much insulin to take. This is what has brought me to my 9.3 results today.

My doctor and I discussed today how I want to turn over a new leaf. I need to go back and learn how to count carbs and figure out my insulin to carb ratio. I need to eat right and I need to exercise. He referred me to a dietitian so hopefully I’ll meet up with them soon to get some guidance.

I also joined this community. I think this will have a lot to do with my fighting back. I can’t do this alone. I need friends that can come along-side my wife and I as we struggle through the highs and lows.

Most importantly, I need to give up. I need to give up the idea that I can do this on my own. I need to quit trying to coast my way through life.

I need to turn back to Christ. He will help me. He will give me strength. I was blessed to have His mercy those first few years, but now I need Him to be my Rock - my Fortress. When I’m tempted to give up and quit my new diet or try to justify that it’s too cold to go out and exercise, I need His strength.

Today was tough. But I pray that it will be another kitchen experience - a new day where I again turn this disease over into the capable hands of my Father.