I can remember walking through a field of blue belles with the Sun warming every part of my body not a care in the World I had found paradise I would be around 10 what a great time of life skipping along singing,lying down and looking towards Heaven should have been back at home but sneaked out of the house mom in another mood always best to keep out of her way but I will probably be in for it when I get home,where have you been you little so and so a whack on the head to greet me cannot ever remember mom giving me a cuddle the things you think about that was 54 years ago and I still wait for that cuddle,being the eldest I was usually the butt of moms moods but you get use to it and after a while you shrug it off cry and get up and start again,I always had my brother and sisters to look after at least they got better treatment than me so it was worth every beating every nasty word I am trying very hard to think of any time in my life when mom showed affection or love to me,dad was different seldom laying a finger on me he liked the quite life but when mom was about there were few times like that,in some ways I turned out like my dad avoiding trouble keeping stum/quite when I knew I should step in and say something it is the same today when things are said that hurt us but we hold our tongue,put it in a little box and bury it deep inside us.
You never live up to your kids expectations perhaps that is not true some of you might so well done,I often wonder how the kids will talk about me when I am gone,they seem to remember a lot of the bad times but not the good times the trips to the park the holidays the bed time kisses the tucking in we seem to retain bad memories more than good memories and they can drag you down like chains I carry a lot of excess baggage.
Back to the blue belles the smell they were like a carpet spread out waiting for me to walk on we lived on the Salt wells Estate at the time,happy times brother and sisters,mom dad and happy memories,mom hope you have found happiness and peace if I get up there any chance of a cuddle love Raymond x
Note
I wonder if the field of bluebells are still there add a trip on my bucket list
