Breaking up is hard to do, a farewell letter

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Breaking up is hard to do. Especially when you’re a lifesaving medical device.

Dear Scotty my little Omnipod,
We’ve been together 10 months so in terms of insulin pumps we haven’t had too long of a relationship. You’ve been with me all along when I was new and scared. You made it easy to insert my cannula and you made pumping a little less scary when I began. Sigh...I can already tell this is going to be hard.

Oh, please don’t cry.

You’ve kept me alive and functional since my diagnosis and I am forever thankful but I think it’s time I see other insulin pumps. It’s not you, it’s me. I am just not squishy enough for you. The more I dance, the more my pump padding aka fat is disappearing at an alarming rate. I know you’re happy that I’m finally healed from my surgery and dancing so I hope you understand. I am sick and tired of you getting kinky on me every time I move. It hurts, cuts off my insulin and turns me into a very angry diabetic. I wish you could just change your cannula to a 90 degree steel set, but you know what they say, people never change.

Also, I need to tell you that you’re too clingy. I need to be able to disconnect from you sometimes for when I am doing ballet partnering or arial dance. It’s so sweet that you love me enough to never leave my side but you got to let me breathe. Then you’ll go and fail on me, beeping and wailing like a firetruck. You’re a little flakey Scotty. I don’t know if I can depend on you.

I know pumping my insulin is a tough job. It must be so hard to get it perfect and I understand that. I know your replacement won’t be perfect either but at least I won’t be getting kinked up.

So actually it is you, not me! Kinking your cannula, blocking my insulin and causing me huge amounts of pain is not the relationship I want in a pump. Why do you hurt me so? Don’t you love me anymore? We’ll I’ve shed too many tears over you. I’ll let you reside in my closet but as of this afternoon I am breaking up with you.

Well, just one more pod change, for old times sake.

-Exit Stage Left

ha ha ha!!! Great one!

Thanks Elizabeth! I had a little too much fun with that one :)

Oh my, too funny! We understand completely why you need to break up, Scotty doesn't fit your lifestyle very well. We love the features of the Omnipod and rarely have the issues you do, but, my son doesn't do what you do and not as lean. You need to disconnect for ballet (your bump will be a THOUSAND times flatter) and you can pick an infusion set that works for you. He'll get over it, he doesn't have to be loved by everyone. :)

Hope you had a prenup. Enjoyed reading.

Bummer! Sorry to hear you had to break it off w/ Scotty ;)
But I can definitely understand the need to do what's best for your lifestyle. And if you ever change your mind, I'm sure Scotty would gladly give it a second try. Ha!

Thanks for the funny post :)