Can Keith Urban Teach Me to Play Guitar?
I have the coordination of a cow and the finesse of a bull on steroids. Here is the thing, I have always wanted to play guitar. I am in love with the idea of me playing a guitar. So I told my son this and he laughed and said I need to put my effort into something more suited to my personal style. But then I turned on the TV this morning and found that Keith Urban will take me on as a student. He wants me to have his specially selected guitar and he will appear on my TV daily or more often, maybe even by the hour until I learn to play the guitar. I can do it in the privacy of my own home and if I cannot get the lesson he will never be upset with me and he will never ever leave the room and tell me to practice more.
It is unreal that Keith Urban would take such an interest in me but I am so impressed that he agreed to do it this morning, I mean who knew right? Well it turns he is not alone. There are many celebrities who will stop by and help me out. Paula Abdul will help me dance my pounds away. Vin Diesel will teach me how to dance. Russell Crowe is interested in helping me get my kids into college. Michael Bolton wants to teach me softball (that is scary). And Steven Seagal wants to teach me about wine. Wow, all these celebrities and many more will come over to my house appear on my TV and help me be a better me. It is inexpensive and fun and they never get angry when I ignore their advice, do not follow though or need them to repeat the lesson…
Now let’s contrast that with education for the newly diagnosed person with a chronic disease. Diabetes has it better than most, we have a profession ‘certified diabetes educators’ who are tasked with telling us about our disease and how to manage. But diseases like RA, Multiple Sclerosis, Autism Spectrum Disorders and many others do not.
But even for Diabetes there are not really any celebrities who will show up and give me instruction on carb counting, medication, injections, and all the rest. There is no Keith Urban for diabetes, arthritis or any of the other diseases.
Perhaps we don’t need Keith Urban. I mean let’s face it I am a little suspect of Keith Urban teaching me chronic disease management. Keith might be a fine guy for guitar but could he teach disease management? Perhaps he could send me his very special Keith Urban how too guide for carb counting? He might set that to music like a parity song? Instead of ‘who wouldn’t want to be me’ he could write ‘who wouldn’t want to be a diabetic’ that has some possibilities? Instead of ‘tonight I wanna cry’ he might write ‘today I wanna get my prescriptions or i’ll cry’?
It is amazing all the instruction that could be done if we set up a celebrity to make training videos. We might get Cher and she could do the ‘practical guide to post surgery’ or maybe Lindsey Lohan and ‘How to do injections in public’ or maybe a good video by Calvin Broadus (ie Snoop Doog, Snoop Lion, Snoop) called ‘Don’t be afraid of change DOOG’. I sense any of these might be big sellers in the medical community. Maybe it is a crazy idea. We all know only a medical provider can pay for a celebrity endorsement and I don’t see many of those lining up to do one. Perhaps we need a court to order public service video? We seem to have a fair amount of celebrities who need to work off some time.
I think my son might be right I called and discussed the guitar lesson with Keith, rather his representative. Turns out Keith is not issuing any money back guarantees. Further you have to follow his instructions. Maybe my biggest musical challenge isn’t hand eye coordination (I have none), maybe my biggest challenge is following instructions. Yeah now that is likely to be the deal killer. Give me a list of 15 instructions and I tend to ignore 10. Maybe what I need is an instruction video about following instructions? Maybe I need an Arnold Schwarzenegger video called ‘Follow my instructions; because I’ll be back’ but then again it might not work out. After all I had a kind of yearlong instruction video in first grade, where we practiced repetition. It was offered by Mrs. Hubbard and it went like this. Ricky be quiet and do what I say. It is a lasting memory too bad it just didn’t take.