I think I might have jumped the gun on those goals I wrote yesterday. I am not so sure I can achieve them, all of them, even more than the first one. I know I “failed,” YES, I “failed” today, yesterday, whatever day it is now. Can I really do this?
I am an excuse maker. Work is beyond stressful, I am bullied; clients want results I cannot produce; I have no support from management; I am doing 3 jobs at once (mine, parts of another guys job who left over a yer ago, and some of my boss’ job too). I have high expectations for myself; I don’t want to fail; disappoint anyone I work for; and I am constantly seeking approval from others, that even if I get it, I am too stupid to acknowledge it and accept it. I forget to check/test; I forget or simply don’t know how much to bolus for what I eat since I tend to graze;I snack on candy at work,just because it is there. I stress and have major anxiety; I am not sure any of the medications I have ever taken even work. I have celiac, so I worry about the food I eat. I have iron-deficient anemia, so I am always tired, not to mention what my BG’s do to help that out…I might as well try sleeping as a career. And, with how depressed I feel most of the time, my anxiety, my stress… I am simply a mess.
There are few in my life that think I can actually do this. My fiancee actually said to me tonight…don’t use the stress of work as an excuse for why you are not testing, you know you would not do it anyways. Is he right?
I kinda think so.
I am great at excuses…
Can you help me, please?