I. AM. SO. STRESSED. And the stress has been going on for way too long. I am sick of it, but I can’t shake it. I wish I could handle stress better, but I’m terrible with it. The main way I deal with it is to cry… what the heck is that going to do to solve the problems?! Nothing.
I’m seriously feeling like I’m at my breaking point and can’t take anymore. The littlest things are now setting me off and making me upset and I hate it. I think I’ve cried everyday for the past I don’t know how many days.
Main reasons why I’m so stressed:
The distance between where I live and where I work is really getting to me. It takes me an hour and 35 minutes to get there and the same amount to get home. That’s over 3 hours in my car. I’ve been looking for a job where I live for 5 months and nothing. I’ve been on a few interviews and gotten nothing out of it. I’ve never had a problem finding a job before… I hate the drive and I hate that I spend all of the extra money I make on gas, and that takes me to reason #2.
I literally have to spend every extra dollar I make on gas to get to and from work. No money for groceries, no money for the oil change I need, no money for the license plate renewal I also need, nothing for the 4 weddings I have coming up, 4 weeks in a row, one of which I’m in. My credit card balance is just getting higher and higher which completely stresses me out because I always said that if I can’t buy something without putting it on my credit card, I don’t need it. I thought the point of working is to make a living… well I currently am not making a living, because I have no money to do so.
If you read my post in the forum, I’m going through a complete case of Beets burnout. I’m so overwhelmed thinking about how difficult and complicated this disease is, how it takes so much effort to keep your sugars normal, how I have to be in complete control all the time if I don’t want complications, etc, etc…
So, with all that being said, I have so much pressure on me that the smallest, pettiest things upset me. For example, yesterday my boyfriend asked me to find a new place to dry my used washrags and I took complete offense to it and cried. Seriously?!? What is my problem??? Today, I found out that I was left out of an office email where everyone was supposed to wear black to celebrate a co-worker’s 50th birthday. So I’m the idiot wearing orange today. Of course, I got upset about that, too. Out of no where, I just will start crying. I have GOT to get a hold on myself!
The reason I am writing this is because I need to vent and let out what I’m feeling. I feel guilty for complaining to my boyfriend or family, so I try really hard not to. I don’t want them to think that I am unhappy, or that I complain too much, or that I’m crazy or something. I don’t want to be in a bad mood, I want to enjoy life.
I know that I have many people who love me and support me, and I’m embarrassed that I feel this way. I know that sometimes life gives you lemons and you just have to make the best of every situation, but for some reason right now, I feel like I have too many lemons for my little glass of lemonade.
This was very poorly written, and I apologize for that. I just needed to get some things off my chest!