Day "0"

This is what was supposed to be my first day of control .. and it ended up being one of the days in the ZERO list of precontrol !

The day began rather stressful for many reasons, anyway I had every chance to mess everything up and just eat but I didn't and I kept agonizing about it !

When I returned home I ate and took my insulim and slept for 3 hours .. then Iwoke up "still agonized" thinking about overeating without a reason and not taking the shots for it .. but then I didn't .. then when it was right about time for bed .. I did it and screwed everything up !! *after crying for a while I just thought this would be the ultimate cure* .. It just feels like there's a hole inside me that just can't be filled with anything but food .. pretty much exaggerated ?! It's truee .....

Shashenda, I’m soooo to familiar with that internal conflict. Just remember that you can try again tomorrow. How about not putting so much pressure on being 100% perfect. I know if I let that feeling build up too long and I start to eat it turns into a full blown binge. Maybe allow yourself a little something before you loose control. Just something to try. Overcoming this does take very hard work and determination and Desire. Since you’re opening up on here it shows your desire. Great first step! Are you seeing a counselor? I have heard that the book Life Without ED is a helpful book if your into reading… I bought it but didn’t read it(bad me) but maybe I’ll start it because I’ve been starting to struggle again myself. I’ve gained some weight and the only way I know how to lose it is the wrong way :(. I’m always here to listen

Renka .. I've googled the book and read parts from it .. andi think it's really good .. u SHOULD read it since u already have in ur hands :)
I've failed again the last couple of days but at least I started exercising a little so it's no 100 % failure i guess ..
Thank You :)

Ok great… I will dig it out and look for it. Thanks for supporting me. Of course holidays are more difficult. I think exercising is a great idea. I’m going to start too. What I find when I exercise is that I dont usually like the junk food as much. I can’t work out real hard at first cause it makes me hungry, then I go overboard! So, go slow!