So I decided to blog because well maybe writing everything down might help me look back and reevaluate this whole life decision thing…
Where am I now? Now, i’m lost. I’m lost am I am so ashamed by it because by day 6,033 I should have this whole diabetes thing under control but I do not. I really don’t think I ever did. I have wanted to understand, I have pretended to understand, but to be honest with myself - no I have never understood MY DIABETES. I have educated myself on what diabetes is, how to eat, how to take insulin, how to manage but I was never able to apply these skills with my own treatment. I feel as if I have been working so hard to pretend its not there and I have come to realize that I have just been hiding from myself. Isn’t that a hoot? I look at myself in the mirror every day but I don’t see myself as I am. I see the failures that I have been hiding from, I see the disappointment that I have caused the people I love, I don’t ever see - ME.
time will tell…