DBlog Week / Day 3: What Brings Me Down
What brings me down… literally… was waking up on the floor six months ago and wondering how I got there. Well, once I got myself together, I figured out how I got there.
I absolutely hate lows the most. They take so much out of me physically. I miss so much, because I’m so physically wiped from them. The result of a bad low bg episode is a terrible migraine, freezing cold, feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck or thrown from a roof onto concrete. It can take hours to recover.
When I first was diagnosed, I decided to be as disciplined as I possibly could and do my best for tight control. Soon after that, I strived for the lowest A1c I could get… the result was the low bg episodes that came with it. At the time I was not living alone.
Fast forward… living alone, very cautious, extremely cautious about my numbers. Not wanting to have low bg episodes if I can help it. My A1c went up a little. I accepted that. And then I got so frustrated when I realized that even if I did everything right, sometimes it didn’t even matter. Having diabetes means that sometimes things are gonna go wrong. Hence, having a decent number at bedtime, and waking up on the floor five hours later.
Low bg sometimes means that I’m going to miss things… things I like to do, places I like to go, appointments I have, sometimes even work. I love riding my bike but sometimes can’t. It’s also frustrating to cancel a workout or cut one short when the bg tanks and won’t rise, even when I do what I’m supposed to do.
I do my best to try not to get upset. I hate that this is now my life. I say it could be worse. I have a decent support system, good friends who check on me if they don’t hear from me.
The absolute worst was a hypo induced seizure. However I was extremely fortunate that immediately before I had spoken to a friend on the phone. What the hell?? That was beyond scary.
But like I said, it could always be worse. I do get very tired, very wiped, very shaken up, but somehow I keep going. I believe that, its not what knocks you down…it’s getting back up each time.
And… I read blogs of people who have had diabetes decades longer than I have. That gives me strength. That gives me hope.
I HATE DIABETES BUT I WON’T LET IT DEFEAT ME!!