Dear Ophthalmologist,

Please stop asking me why I’m not wearing contacts. I tried them. They’re not for me. We have this discussion every time we see each other. It’s not that I mind repeating myself, it’s just that if I’m going to spend $75 to see you for 8 minutes, I’d rather not waste any of that time discussing the fact that I’ll never catch a husband if I don’t pretty myself up. And when you do look at my eyes, please don’t say scary things like “I don’t like the way that looks” without explaining what’s going on. It’s disturbing. Also, stop grimacing when I mention that I’m an editor. Books are not that scary.


Your patient