I'm 41 years old, I've had colon cancer and I've been diabetic since 2000. I've recently decided that because of these factors I will probably not have children. Although 41 is not too old for a man to become a father, I feeling concerned that my health history makes me not such a great candidate for having kids. I've anxious about what my future holds healthwise and how that might affect kids as I get older not to mention the fact that I would be passing on some pretty undesirable genes. I think what makes the most sense for me to focus on managing my health the best that I can and enjoying spending time with my nieces and nephews. Has anyone else come to a similar conclusion?
Absolutely. Although I am considerably past my childbearing years, I made the decision not to have kids very early on. T1 is very prevalent in my family and I knew that I was not strong enough emotionally to confidently raise a diabetic child.
I still get anxious when my nephews and niece ask for refills on their pop ("why are they thirsty? do they have it now, too?)
I guess the "passing on undesirable genes" is always a crapshoot anyway.
And, I certainly rejoice when a new baby arrives in this community.
It was an extremely painful choice, especially in my 20's and 30's, when everyone I knew was having kids. But, now I am petty much at peace with it.
Yes, but for less painful reasons. We were both in our 30s when we got married and we consciously decided we DIDN'T want to be raising teenagers in our 50s and 60s. Everything since has convinced us that we got it right. And yes, we do enjoy spending time with our niece and nephew, both of whom are grown now. Our nephew, in fact, owns two successful restaurants and is preparing to open a third. No regrets.
i always wanted children & had 3. thank god.
I have a totally different view of things. It is not my place to make a value judgement about my kids. Who are we to judge whether their life will be happy, healthy and productive. Why would their life be so bad compared to someone who is born into poverty in a third world country. Having a child can be one of the great joys in life, why should you miss out on that.
This is a tough topic, and totally a couple's personal decision with many factors involved. My medical team told me when I was 30 years old, that if I wanted to have kids, I needed to do it then. They maintained that adding the "over 30" risk factors to the T1 diabetes risk factors was a bad idea. Being only three years out from my T1 diagnosis, I was simply not mentally, spiritually or emotionally ready, and neither was my husband. For the next several years, I did not really feel sad about it, and got on with life, career, etc. But as the years have gone by (I'm now 47), I have to admit that I have moments of deep sadness about this. I can't exactly call it regret, because I still think it was the right decision at the time. I guess I just wish we had felt that we had a few more years to decide. So yes, I totally respect your decision, but just realize that you may feel different ways about it as the years go by.
Not really an answer to your question because we decided not to have children, but not based on genetics/health. I love kids, as long as they're other people's. I've not regretted this decision. I did get some grief from disappointed in-laws & a couple of friends. My answer was that there too many humans in the world.
Having children for many people, Im sure,is s wonderful experience. My Mom can attest to that :) But I feel and think that it is a personal choice and a choice that should be agreed upon by a couple.
My husband and I have been married for 10 years now. It is both our choice not to have children. The reason was mutual which is we simply want to enjoy each other and health was not an issue. An accident I had 6 years ago rendered my lumbar 4-5 weak, thus, I was advised to manage my weight since the added weight may stress my back. Pregnancy was then a concern (though still possible but risky). Therefore, "sealing" the deal to our decision. Faith also plays a big role on our decision. So despite the constant prodding/pressure of family and friends...my husband and I live a wonderful happy life with no regrets.
My husband and I loves children. We fund a weekly feeding program for homeless and indigenous children in our church. Not to mention sponsoring several for their education. Besides...I am a "Mom" to several furry pawed friends :)
PS. Many wonderful things may happen in your future...thus, you may and can still change you mind...wink