Well I saw my doc today, he removed the tini tiny stitch from my tini tiny pinkie toe. My poor toe is fine thank you, i never even cashed in the vacatin (ha drug joke there). As i was sitting there my doc did his weird "check up," you know where they make you touch your fingers to your thumbs or press on your stomach or make you say ah! He asked me the usual questions: do yousmokedrinktroublebreathingasthmablurryvisionheartdisease in family yada yada yada. I said no.. well my vision has been blurry... My sister with glasses can see farther away then me...
Then the doc told me my A1C.... i already knew it was bad~ he dropped the number 12, i look up smile and say "wow i went up a whole point." In this world having more is a good thing, but when it comes to A1C nobody throws you party unless your under 7. (what's seven like again, god i don't remember). Now the doc put me on antidepressants, there working wonderful , but i wonder where my high sugar related bad mood begins and my normal bad mood ends. So i'm feeling pretty good, maybe not my full self, but that part will never come back because my pancreas decided to retire early in life.
When i walk into the office i told my doc "i think i'm ready for the jump" he did a double take and asked me what i meant. I meant the diabetic jump, or as drug addict would put it "jump to sobriety." Ex. my sobriety is to get back on drugs (well hormone). Does nobody know my diabetic humor by now? I guess telling everybody i got my toe chopped off wasn't funny then...well it was funny to me (don't worry i told them straight away my toe was fine).
Before i left i explained to my doc that i was hesitate on starting mainly because you feel crappy (insert other word) at normal for a while. Then he tells me to start out slowly and work my way up.... DOH! Why didn't i think of that all on my own??? As bad as i have been this whole time, my real trouble was not accepcting diabetes it was getting a jump start on it without feeling like a zombie (but alas i do love zombies). So i'm trying a low dosage of humalog until i work my way back to feeling okay at the normal range of blood sugarsl. But i can't escape the feeling of losing my mind as i sit at 172...I feel like i'm detoxing from a drug, finding my state of normalancy or sobriety of sorts.
In other news i'm looking into the omnipod. Till then i'm at mercy to my lack of strong will around yummy foods. But i really don't want to over do my insulin, i'm not looking forward to the lows. Detox is fine, Intox whatever, low i don't think so.
No more gummy worms
No more choco chip cookies
What to dream of now?