Diabetes Blues

needed get this off my chest that after having it for so long after diabetes has not bothered me so much in the past or even crossed my mind… and have been positive about it and even mentored kidos with it when in high school and just not bothered but now going
through this stage right now where it’s bothering me havin strong feelings toward my diabetes hating it… burnout, hate how it seeps into every area of my life and being an extra worry or root of anxiety outlet which is normal to experience anger bout chronic or any health
aliments…

So, I will have had been living with diabetes coming on 17 years in January, 17
for goodness sake! 2 weeks ago I uped how much
insulin was dosed out by a small bit over sveral time frames but it adds up and
i was also put on a diffrent faster acting insulin which drops me a lot faster
and requires less to do the job works kinda too good so trying to fiddle around
with how much to take and waiting out to see results…hard to be patient due
to anxiety… I have been getting in better ranges in 100’s still kinda high
but a start and closer where need it… but its constant tweaks and hard
balencing act and issues of going too low for comfort which is normal but hard
to stay there I over treat and sugars shoot right back up it’s non-stop
rollarcoaster and is frusturating and STRESSFUL I been getting tired of having
diabetes and depressed bout it and lot of times feel like worse one ever and I
like to treat before allow myself to go low cause hate that feeling so much and
it scares me and takes a toll but I jeperdizing any futurer health or happiness
and I have been running my blood glucose too too too high for so long that being
normal feels low and I panic at and has made me fearful of leaveing the house near meal times
gotta get used to feeling normal at home and feel ok with it not actually low
and see pattern that my sugar will stay even and ok before having confidence do
more stuff go more places, and not drop… FACTS are the higher you keep your
numbers the bigger risk for complications and my over all 3month avg. has been
dangerously high for like 4 years atleast… now my educator has said that its
surrprising and maybe by grace of God I don’t have kidney failure or damage but
seems to be functioning ok… and that rate going I could be ‘dead’ by age 30 I
am killing myself slowly but surelly, really is that serious, but the imdiate
fears and panic attacks my brain going against logic has been winning to
instead self talk or work through by telling myself no I truelly am ok… or
havent really tried enough have not been strong enough to take care of it like
should and slim slim chances of what ifs of going low or passingout which has NEVER EVEN HAPPENED TO ME, SO DON’T KOW WHY THOUGHT OF BEING LOW SCARES ME SO MUCH would
be temporary and not that bad and manageable VS the more likly long term threat
of everlasting complications that on road of developing if don’t take actoion
NOW I also need to work on waiting long enough between tests but sometimes OCD
due to panic gets best of me and I check way way tooo much after only minutes or
moments when it there is already 14-30 % difference between tests which can drive me bonkers and up the anxiety level

anyone have tips or things that have helped get you through like feelings or issues??? Anyone relate???

I know exactly how you feel because I’ve been there. I’ve had Type One for 39 years and get very tired and frustrated over it frequently!

I just bought the book Diabetes Burnout by Dr. William Polonsky and started to read it a few days ago as I am very sick with a nasty cold. He understands us, I feel! I would recommend getting the book, reading it (take your time as you think about the issues), and STAY on this website.

I am sooo grateful I found this website this year as it is truly the support group I was looking for and needed! After I get well, I’m planning on writing a special blog about my feelings on a deep subject related to diabetes–depression, so stay tuned in a few weeks for that.

Also, I remember once going to a workshop for diabetics by doctors many years ago. The thing which stood out the most for me was the chart which showed that the MAJORITY of diabetics who KEEP TIGHT CONTROL don’t get ANY OR get LITTLE complications!!! However, on the margins were the cases of diabetics who had terrible blood sugars/A1C’s and no complications!!! Surprising, huh?

On the other extreme were the diabetics with very tight control who still got complications!! Another surprise, right?

So, don’t listen to anyone who says you can be dead by age 30!! (I’m biologically 47 years old now and I met a diabetic who has had diabetes 52 years just a few weeks ago! Also, I know a friend who revealed to me that her daughter was told at a young age she would never have children. She’s Type One, like me, but she has three beautiful, and remarkable, daughters of her own! That whole family gives me positive blessings every time I see them!)

So, hang in there, write here again if you need to (bet it felt good, didn’t it?) and remember, we diabetics shock the non-diabetics ALL THE TIME!!! YOU ROCK!! :->

REBECCA (BEKCA) M. RODICK {;D

I know how you feel, I’ve lived with the big D for 50 years and at times I get burnout. It will occur as long as we live with this disease. But I’ve learned to put my sights in another direction whatever my interest is at the time.

I read your profile and see you are a pumper. I’m not familiar with the Ping but earlier this year I got a new MM 522 which I programed through the bolus wizard to let me know exactly how much insulin to take for carb intake. Also when I have a high I enter the high number and it calculates to the 10th of unit how much it takes to bring me down. Thought I’d give you this info maybe you might consider changing your choice of pumps…take care.