Diabetes burnout

I’m 9w4d with twins, and I’m really feeling burned out today. I switched to the pump last week, had some crazy, unexplained highs over the weekend, but things have been pretty decent the past couple days. Except that I’m just tired of it. The past 5 months have been such a whirlwind of activity for me - I was diagnosed with insulin-dependent diabetes in January - it happened as part of the bloodwork I’d gotten done to get my referral for an RE and ART after 3 years of dealing with DH’s foot-dragging urologist. So diabetes will forever be linked to IF for me - I know I didn’t get it from IF, but I found out about because of it.

So in January, when I finally thought we were on track to have a baby, I found myself dealing with this chronic illness and the prospect of never getting to a point where we’d be eligible for ART as a result.
Over the next 2 months, I changed my lifestyle dramatically. Multiple injections per day, testing my blood sugar 8+ times a day, majorly restricted carb-intake. From the time of my diagnosis to my BFP, I dropped 26 pounds, and went from an A1C of 11.8 to 5.0, which is considered in the “normal,” non-diabetic range.

I was beyond thrilled when my diabetes endocrinologist gave me the all-clear to proceed with IVF by the end of February. (Ironically, that appointment took place on the very day that I was supposed to have my first appointment with my RE). From there, things happened really quickly. I got my endo’s go-ahead on 2/23; had my first appointment with the RE on 3/4; was on my first cycle of femara that week. And we got our BFP on 3/30. After a long time gearing up, when things fell in line, they fell in line pretty quickly.

But now, I’m dealing with diabetic pregnancy, when I hadn’t really had that long of a time to settle into just diabetic existence.

I’ve been a member of another forum for years as part of our TTC, and they do have a place for diabetics there. But it’s filled with women diagnosed with gestational diabetes who post things like “When I’m done with GD, I’m going to eat my weight in pasta.”

And I resent the hell out of them, because they get to give their diabetes back at the end of their 9 months. Not me. Sure, if I calculate the appropriate amount of insulin and take it well enough in advance, I can eat the sort of carb/fat-laden treats that they’re talking about. But I can’t just turn off diabetes. I can’t just give it back after I’m done gestating these babies. I can’t not care about it if I want to live as long and as complication-free a life as I can manage.

And I’m just feeling really bitter about the whole thing today, probably because I have yet another appt with my endo tomorrow. :frowning:

Oh dear you…
As a type 1 for 14+ years, and mother of twins (carried while I had type 1 and a toddler, too) - I can truly empathize. You are in a whirlwind of hormones, emotions, changes, fears, frustrations and uncertainties. Diabetes Burnout, fertility burnout, who knows what else…
No one can say much to relieve you of all these burdens. I so hope that you have some support, though, - some other mothers who have been through a pregnancy with diabetes, and come out the other side, still injecting the insulin you will need forever, yup - we are not GDM damn it!!!
My saving grace was truly surrounding myself with people who “got it” - friends w type 1 who had kids already, doctors and nurses as friends and support who also “got it” and others who are just compassionate empathizers who could bear with my fears, moods, and excessive needs (yup, we have special needs for sure).

Please feel free to email me if you want to further this conversation “offline” - heather@yourdiabetespartners.com

My twins are 6.5 yrs old now, and they are thriving, I am still in and out of burnout, but am so grateful for the lessons they, and diabetes, have taught me.

Take care - good luck - and great job reaching out on this website for help!!! (I didn’t have this when I was pregnant!).

Heather

Also forgot a life-saving resource I return to again and again: the book Diabetes Burnout by Dr. William Polonsky. It is a user-friendly guide that helps you assess specifically what pisses you off about diabetes, or where you are really burned out, plus where you are actually doing well :slight_smile: and feeling OKAY about with your DM. That might be a nice comfort for you, to see what is going great with the DM because I imagine you are doing a lot realllly well and need to give yourself some credit.
The book has been in print for quite a while and is available everywhere.
Good luck.

Wow, what a year it has been for you! No wonder you are feeling burnout. Dealing with the diabetes diagnosis is enough in and of itself.



Pat yourself on the back – you are doing an amazing job!



I struggle with many emotions comparing my pregnancy with diabetes to other women’s pregnancies. So what I do is really avoid talking about pregnancy with non-diabetic women. This sounds crazy and impossible (it is), but I rely mostly on this forum and the positivediabeticpregnancies Yahoo mailing list. There are great mothers in these communities who all live with diabetes while raising their children. I don’t read other pregnancy forums. When the topics are “cravings” etc, I feel that I don’t have the luxury to have cravings. Eating is a functional thing and the main aim is to keep my blood sugars in line. I try not to think about what pregnancy is like and just focus on what pregnancy with diabetes is.



Not sure if this helps, but letting go of comparing my pregnancy with others pregnancies who don’t live with diabetes helped me…



You are facing a particular struggle because diabetes is so new to you, but on the other hand, you likely still have some insulin production. So your two little ones will benefit from some of your own body’s insulin.



Take things day by day and check in with us whenever you want to or need to!!! And know that you are not alone!