I’m 9w4d with twins, and I’m really feeling burned out today. I switched to the pump last week, had some crazy, unexplained highs over the weekend, but things have been pretty decent the past couple days. Except that I’m just tired of it. The past 5 months have been such a whirlwind of activity for me - I was diagnosed with insulin-dependent diabetes in January - it happened as part of the bloodwork I’d gotten done to get my referral for an RE and ART after 3 years of dealing with DH’s foot-dragging urologist. So diabetes will forever be linked to IF for me - I know I didn’t get it from IF, but I found out about because of it.
So in January, when I finally thought we were on track to have a baby, I found myself dealing with this chronic illness and the prospect of never getting to a point where we’d be eligible for ART as a result.
Over the next 2 months, I changed my lifestyle dramatically. Multiple injections per day, testing my blood sugar 8+ times a day, majorly restricted carb-intake. From the time of my diagnosis to my BFP, I dropped 26 pounds, and went from an A1C of 11.8 to 5.0, which is considered in the “normal,” non-diabetic range.
I was beyond thrilled when my diabetes endocrinologist gave me the all-clear to proceed with IVF by the end of February. (Ironically, that appointment took place on the very day that I was supposed to have my first appointment with my RE). From there, things happened really quickly. I got my endo’s go-ahead on 2/23; had my first appointment with the RE on 3/4; was on my first cycle of femara that week. And we got our BFP on 3/30. After a long time gearing up, when things fell in line, they fell in line pretty quickly.
But now, I’m dealing with diabetic pregnancy, when I hadn’t really had that long of a time to settle into just diabetic existence.
I’ve been a member of another forum for years as part of our TTC, and they do have a place for diabetics there. But it’s filled with women diagnosed with gestational diabetes who post things like “When I’m done with GD, I’m going to eat my weight in pasta.”
And I resent the hell out of them, because they get to give their diabetes back at the end of their 9 months. Not me. Sure, if I calculate the appropriate amount of insulin and take it well enough in advance, I can eat the sort of carb/fat-laden treats that they’re talking about. But I can’t just turn off diabetes. I can’t just give it back after I’m done gestating these babies. I can’t not care about it if I want to live as long and as complication-free a life as I can manage.
And I’m just feeling really bitter about the whole thing today, probably because I have yet another appt with my endo tomorrow.