Disclaimer: This is a straight up rant. Proceed with caution :p

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This has been stuff that's on my mind lately about my diabetes.

Symptoms of high glucose and low glucose have blended into each other these past few months because I haven't been doing my best to put my health first. Taking on more than you can handle and being a diabetic is not smart and I'd love to say that I've learned my lesson but unfortunately, my calamitous October bled into a crazier November and I'm finally relaxing from all of the stress, mid December.

I don't want to self diagnose myself with a mood disorder. In fact, I don't want to blame my diabetes for any of my actions. I take full responsibility for what I say and what I do when my blood sugar is extremely low and I have no control over myself but here's the thing: It's a very thin line. Had I been paying attention to myself, I wouldn't have overshot. Had I been braver to just admit that I need a break, I wouldn't be seeing spots right now. Nor would I just have yelled at that lady for bumping into me. I confuse my behavior with a low blood sugar to actually be the person I am at a normal glucose.

Diabetes is a whirlwind disease but it doesn't have to be. I don't eat sugar. I'm primarily a meat girl and a carbs girl but the random moments when I do eat chocolate or what have you, I go off on a sugar high. This reminds me how far I've come. Sugary snacks were once my best friends and as my birthday approaches and I'm soon to be one year away from a quarter of a century old, I know I'm not the same spring chicken I once used to be and staying away from sugary snacks is one step in the right direction to a healthier lifestyle. That's what I aim for. Living as I would want my future children to live.

In these calamitous past months, one thing I did notice about my high and low glucose numbers is that they blend together but if I'm really paying attention, I can see a clear difference. When my blood sugar is low, I become philosophical and for lack of a better word, loose. As if, I can do anything I want to do and my body will take me there. When I blood glucose is high, I feel tight and grumpy. The world is terrible and I'm trapped where I'm standing.

It always helps to know.

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Hey! long time no talk. how are you??

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Ok... Where is the rant. When I rant I have to go back and delete words along the way to make it PG13.

It sounds like a little bit of soul searching which is something we all must do sometime. We all get burned out, fed-up, or whatever you want to call it. The important thing is that we have these moments and then get on with the business of taming this monster.

Gary

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You just worded my situation lovely. I haven’t been able to describe how I feel but you just did it for me. It hasn’t just been the last couple months though it’s been a long cycle that I can’t get out of. You have just inspired me to do better. I’m not happy that you have had this struggle but it’s nice to know that I’m not alone. Thanks for your post!

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And ps… Good luck!

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Andrea- I'm doing well now that my semester is over! How are you?

Gary-Soul searching is a very good word for it--but I still call it a rant :p
I used to be a nanny and have worked at daycares. Not cussing has become second nature for me but every once in awhile you'll hear my 'fightin' irish' come out.

Renka--I'm so glad to hear that I've inspired you. All of us are going through the same struggle on here and half the battle is recognizing that we're not alone :)

And I appreciate it! Good luck to you as well!