Hey there to everyone, it´s been a while since i´ve logged on or even checked the site.
Why? I thought i was doing fine and had control of this monster, the monster that some how slowly sneaks up on us when we least expect it and takes over us.
We can´t let it, i don´t want it to take over me, i wanna be the one who defeats every fireball it throws at me... and somehow here i am looking at myself disappointed because i know i´ve been letting it win.
I´ve gone back to my old habit of letting my blood sugar run high to lose weight (diabulimia)i´m so afraid of being fat this is what its come down to -yes, sad i know-.
Couple of months ago i had decided to change my sisters godfather had me examined and let´s say the results were shocking. I started to check my blood, inject enough units, eating right, exersise the whole 9 yards. But my weight changed much for what i thought i could mentally handle. I have a huge problem with weight and this has been my problem since i was 15. I´m scared, i feel i´m getting sick and it´s all because of my own fault.
Do i wanna live? Yes. Am i tired? Yes. Do i give up and wanna waste away? Sometimes i do and sometimes i don´t.
To all those who have this same problem, i wanna say don´t let it win. i might not know exactly where my health lays but i do know its not worth letting yourself slowly die. I don´t want it to be to late. i don´t want it to take my opportunities away (life ones).
i´ll leave you guys with this frase i read today: ¨Don´t let what you can´t do interfere with what you can do¨.
much love to all