You tend to forget that when a person,loved one takes care of you how much you really do rely on them to clean cook and at times administer medication and give you love and affection when you feel so low, my Angel has been with me since we first met 46 years ago on a rainy winters day in Dudley we said hello having never met before and cupid pierced my heart with one of his arrows,perhaps that is why I am heart failure patient.
My condition diabetes was something I got on with to be honest I made a badge to wear invisible to others and milked the condition for all I could,some men are like that they just want to be mothered,and looking back i did not really do as I was told give up smoking and other undesirable traits, it was not until my massive heart attack in 2004 that i became reliant on My Angel family and others, for a man this is so belittling, gone are the status of bread winner what a term how sexiest,gone was my independence and the ability to do things like look after the house do repairs painting and decorating all those things some men like to do,no offence to any woman out there for I am sue there are women who can do just as good a job at those things as a man or maybe even better.
Suddenly becoming a prisoner in your own castle for every Englishman wants his own castle to counting flowers on the bedroom wallpaper is very difficult to cope with,medication was a real problem not only taking it but sometimes forgetting to take it,after a massive heart attack your brains get scrambled for an awfully long time mine did I lost all feelings emotions and at times felt a lot of guilt about still being here,doctors telling you,boy did you have a lucky escape makes you so guilty I contemplated suicide more than once.
For a long time I did not who I really was I did know that when I came back from where I had been travelling it was not me that totally came back,doctors told me after a massive heart attack a lot of patients have feelings or lack of them but in time most return mine took a long time and I suffered a lot of moods and bouts of depression,There go a again wondering sounds like a song back to Even Angels get sick,my Angel has had a terrible cough and headaches for three weeks sleeping has been a problem she has 10 pillows because lying flat makes her cough a lot,she has not moaned or had time of work and still looked after me,I tried to do my best but these days it is an upward struggle being given a second chance I really hope God spared me to do something for him or even myself,if God is female you know in my life I have been a real chauvinist pig,trying to change my ways but teaching an old dog new tricks is very difficult if nay impossible,have to end it there time for morning pills and victoza thank you love,and please God make my Angel better soon.