If someone belittled my life experience of this or anything I would not be sticking around, but I guess time will tell. I think even a non d person etc should get the basic facts of the situation.
I might recommend “The Five Languages of Love” - this might help each of you understand how to provide better support and love.
FWIW, my wife and I met in our 50s and we are going to celebrate 5 years of marriage this year. For me, she is the most wonderful person I have ever met, but … she still doesn’t understand the role of insulin and routinely wants me to take insulin when I’m low.
5 Likes
He may not yet understand all the effort diabetes takes. In my current relationship, I don’t think my boyfriend really understood the burden until about a few weeks ago. I was talking about switching from Tresiba to Lantus and how the first few nights would be a little rough (likely Dex alarms) until I figured out the right basal dose and Tresiba had fully tapered off.
Before this conversation, he was aware of why I was switching and that I use 1 long-acting insulin and 1 short-acting insulin. He even knew that switching to Lantus meant I could vary my dose more easily, but that I’d need to do 2 shots/day. He knew that low means I need sugar and that it can be life threatening and that high means I need insulin but that there’s varying levels of high and a mild high is not immediately life threatening.
He knew all of that before our conversation, but he didn’t really understand the reality of the burden until the conversation I just mentioned where at some point, he turned to me and asked,
“This is something you’ll always have to deal with, won’t you?”
It was as if he realized that solving this one problem I’m solving by switching to Lantus was just one problem solved. That next month or in 3 months there would be a different one. I would always be dealing with this.
Despite knowing all the stuff I mentioned, he didn’t really understand the burden and the reality until 1.5 years after we started dating and six months after we moved in together.
Diabetes is complicated. Give him some time. My biggest piece of advice would be to ease him in slowly. At the end of the day, you’ll be the one doing all the work. Sure, he can help with a low, but he’s never going to be doing the day-to-day work diabetes requires. So there’s no reason for him to learn everything at once.
If he still hasn’t realized that not managing diabetes results in life-threatening consequences in a few months, that might be a good time to re-evaluate.
4 Likes
Keep the explanations simple at first and then add more detail if he is interested. Talk about your insulin regimen, eating schedule, what signs to look for when you are low/high, where you keep your kit/supplies.
My husband isn’t super interested in the details of my day to day management-he says he doesn’t know how I keep it all straight, but knows how to check my Dexcom, how to check the alerts on my pump if I am sleeping and don’t wake up, and where all my meds/supplies are. He’s very quick to ask me if I am ok if I seem a bit off and sensitive to my dietary needs.
8 Likes
Well said. Thank you.
1 Like
Why do you feel the need to convince anyone of anything? When I first started dating someone I would mention I was diabetic and that was it, I sure wouldn’t try to debate them on the seriousness of it.
1 Like
Yeah.
Still difficult to think back on it.
1 Like
It’s not a debate. It’s educating someone who’s important to me about one of the main things that drive my life. Sure, at first it was just a mention, but now that we’re spending more time together, it means a lot to me.
Thanks for your input and I appreciate your perspective.
You could play the Dexcom Price is Right game. You need a special prize, like a candy bar or a small plastic creature. At random times, people have to guess your blood sugar without going over. Who ever gets closest without going over wins the prize.
I used to play this with EMTs, but I also play with friends. Sometimes I am closer, sometimes they are. They were also allowed to grab the Dexcom and run a game if they think they sense something before me.
It has taught me about other peoples ability to discern symptoms. It has also taught me who can smell acetone breath. Sometimes everyone, including myself, are way wrong.
2 Likes
Lol, I would always get that game wrong. I’m so bad at predicting what is going to happen. I dont think it’s that I’m illogical, as a linguist, you need to be able to find patterns, but this disease is just so unpredictable for me. I can do the same thing every day for a week and get 7 different results.
1 Like
Interesting! Makes me wish I could afford a CGM even more! 
Do it before blood sugar machine checks, maybe. If someone thinks my BG is low and wants me to take a BG, I find it less offensive if someone calls for a round of the game, rather than just telling me my BG is low or that I need to check. They make a guess at the number, and if I dont check and prove them wrong, then they are declared correct by default.
2 Likes
Part of the issue I think with the “general” population is now everyone has learned about type 2 and that’s mostly only what they hear about. Most people have not run across a type 1 and if they’ve heard anything, it’s still that kids disease.
So the casual response to me means it is probably, not intentionally, lumped into what he knows as a type 2 diabetic. People I run across nowadays, say oh my uncles a diabetic and when asked, it’s type 2. Their comment will be oh you have to watch what you eat etc. My best explanation that seems to register there is a difference is. No I can eat whatever I want, it’s just I need to take insulin if I even want to eat broccoli, I need insulin for everything, I don’t make any. The broccoli imparts the difference as they know it’s healthy so what you have is different.
That at least starts, this is different, so it carries different issues.
6 Likes
Totally agree.
1 Like
Or … you are an adult with T1D and say you have diabetes, they insist you must be T2… T1 kids outgrow T1 and become T2, since T2 is the adult kind.
2 Likes
I was diagnosed in late December 1986. I had lost about 25 lbs, and was very weak, because I was in extremely serious DKA. I had been feeling thirsty, nauseous, & weak for weeks. When admitted into the hospital, I had a BG of 998, and was going back and forth between hallucinating and unconsciousness. I spent 8 days in the hospital, 2 in ICU. They (family) tell me they were told that between dehydration and glucose my blood was almost like catsup. Because of ketones, my blood was very acidic, so my body was having trouble processing oxygen. I had to be reydrated. They had to stabilize my body’s chemistry, and figure out how much insulin I needed. I had an IV lock in my arm for two days after they removed the actual tubing, so they could hook me back up quickly, if necessary
(thank goodness that wasn’t needed).
Once I was stable (4 days, I think), they explained how to check my blood sugar (test strips), and how to give myself injections (into an orange). But they said that I wouldn’t be released until I was stronger, and could do my own injections. I was lucky, because they had a couple of classes on how to take care of myself, and I now know that the information was pretty good. After I was released, I still had to take some special supplements (potassium, I think) for a while to help my body rebuild all of the muscle tissue that had been used by my body while it couldn’t use carbohydrates as fuel without the insulin.
Yes, being in the hospital was absolutely necessary. This is a bit of a horror story, but if he’s smart, try to explain all of the complex biochemical stuff involved with being diabetic. People are too used to being able to take meds for a week or two, and then the disease goes away. T1 isn’t a disease. It is recognized as a disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Part of your endocrine system that is necessary for your very survival does not work. It’s that simple, and that complicated.
5 Likes
That was my training as well - diagnosed just before Easter 1993 with blood glucose 7 times normal (never did hear the actual number) and when they figured out I wasn’t MODY started me on Insulin, helped me buy my first glucometer and got me practicing injecting into an orange - all while in hospital:-). And yes, I was on an IV drip as I was so dehydrated when admitted. I was in hospital for over a week as they wanted to get me stabilized and able to look after myself when released as I lived on my own. I do remember being ‘let out’ on a day pass to go home and do things like laundry - had my first low blood glucose event at the laundromat during that time! - and then spent the night back in the hospital. I had in patient training and meeting with a dietician and then afterwards ongoing outpatient classes and once a month meeting with an educator and a dietician.
1 Like
Can u believe I had my first hypo the first day and didn’t know what it was. I called my doctor’s office from work to tell them how strange I felt and they told me to go eat something quickly. I think my training was a little lacking…and it was in '78. The endo I had was awful anyway and I kicked him to the curb in a few months.
2 Likes
I had no training. The first doc put me on insulin and just said start out at 8 units a day and up it every two days until you get the right level. (Lantus) I luckily had insurance that had a nurse that called me and said to keep something by the bed like juice in case I had a low to drink about 15 carbs, wait 15 minutes and if it wasn’t enough drink more. That came in really handy especially when the 2nd doc put me on humalog and just said take 1 unit for every 3 carbs you eat and that was all I was told about that too! It was a big learning curve!
I was dx in 1959 when I was 8. I remember that I lost way too much weight and was very sick. My pediatrician didn’t have a clue what was wrong with me and didn’t test my urine or blood until it was almost too late. He almost quit his practice because he missed all of the diabetic clues. I was only hospitalized for 3 days and wasn’t trained at all. I don’t think my parents received much training either.