Fading away

#1

I lost my job a few months back in a huge company-wide layoff. It was on the news and everything for a long time and it was a very upsetting time for me. It caused me to really slack on my diabetes care that already needed a lot of improvement. My A1c has swung from 8.1 to 11 and I have not gone a day where my bloodsugar didn't hit the 400s.

I've since gotten a new job that pays well but is pretty stressful. When I get home at the end of the day I just want to drop. I feel like I'm in and endless cycle. In order to really get back into the game and better my A1c I need energy, but in order to get energy I need less high bloodsugars. And I feel like I shouldn't even bother since I've already been so high for so long that complications are inevitable. My vision has become noticeably blurrier and you'd think I'd be really worried about it, but I'm just to tired to care. In fact sometimes I think it'd be nice to get sick because I could just sleep for a while and no one would bother me.

I'm not sure how to fix myself, or how to make myself care at all. I'm just so tired and stuck in my rut. Sometimes I say "today's the day I'll be a good diabetic!" and I'll test and give insulin and be really good...and then I'll get dizzy/sick from my bloodsugars swinging down and give up.

I feel like I'm fading away. I need help but I know no one can really help me. I don't know if I can ever change myself into a "good" diabetic or even an "ok" diabetic.

#2

Hi anagantios: It is very difficult to find the daily motivation that we as PWDs (people with diabetes) need to do even the most basic care for ourselves. But I do know that when I went through a low-motivation period, it really helped me to reach out to others, get advice and support, and also to go to an in-person support group for women with Type 1 diabetes. Have you looked into a local support group for Type 1s? I am sorry for what you are going through. Also, it may help to break down all the needed steps--for example, decide that you will test 8 times during the day, and maybe set an alarm to help you remember.

#3

CRAP!

We ALL get tired... don't want to be diabetic for a while.

But no study in the universe says if you get a specific X number of tests over some X number you will automatically be blind, impotent, or anything else. Does not exist.

Find your pattern(s). Knock them down. You physically feel exhausted, frustrated, tired, don't let your mind mess with you too.

#4

The blurry vision is just due to fluid changes in your lens because of the high blood sugars. It will correct when your sugars come down. It is not likely due to complications but if you don't get control back, you are at higher risk for complications.

I understand that it is a lot of work and you are tired, but you will feel sooooo much better with lower blood sugars. You won't have that tired feeling and your mood will improve. I know when I had really high blood sugars, not only did it make me tired, but it made my mood black.

Thnk about bringing them down step wise.... 400, then 300, then 200 etc. That way the swings wont make you feel so bad. Steady progress. Your energy will start coming back , and your mood will improve and it will become easier as you go along. Just start with a few baby steps....

#5

Sometimes, it's a vicious cycle. The more we let it go, the worse it makes us feel and then the more we slack off, round and round it goes. Believe me, I have been there and done that. You need to take the first step in getting back into control and it's a hard one, I know. Whether it be to take a walk (which will energize you), or pick a salad instead of a sandwich for lunch, or set a date to test and take your meds like a trooper. It's hard to get your head in the game if your body feels horrible. Start tomorrow and you will see that if you FEEL better PHYSICALLY, you will FEEL better MENTALLY/EMOTIONALLY. When you feel better emotionally and physically, you will be much better armed to take on the challenge of managing your diabetes.

#6

To break your endless cycle you could try to lower at least temporary the carbs you eat (take them in the morning if you can't avoid, but lower them at lunch and dinner) and then try some exercise in the evening, a walk to start with. You should gain a little more control.
Measure in the afternoon at least (6 PM?), to correct if you are high and reach a "good" blood sugar before sleep (10PM?).
From that bg find the right basal to reach a good wake up bg.
That way you should get not-so-bad numbers while you sleed and gain the energy to improve your control and life over this.
Good luck and keep going.

#7

I sympathize. Congratulations though on getting a new job and dealing with a lot of stress. Losing your job, getting another one, adjusting to a new job...all a lot to deal with. I am just getting over a period of being overwhelmed. What worked for me was to take just ONE thing that I wanted to manage. In my case, it was keeping my house tidy (not clean, just tidy and neat). When I got that under control, I then had the energy to tackle other things. I still have more to do than is humanly possible to deal with...but I am in a much better place with it all and I have the energy to work on the diabetes stuff. Before I was just too overwhelmed.

I am sure you'll adjust and rise above this. Tell yourself really good things and don't use food as a comfort or release. Find other things to soothe yourself when you feel depleted. (I'm also talking to myself here).

Hang in there...and btw, high blood sugar always worsens my mental state. When you get those blood sugars down, you'll feel more crisp and clear.

Coming here is usually a good thing too.

Best,
Maria