I lost my job a few months back in a huge company-wide layoff. It was on the news and everything for a long time and it was a very upsetting time for me. It caused me to really slack on my diabetes care that already needed a lot of improvement. My A1c has swung from 8.1 to 11 and I have not gone a day where my bloodsugar didn't hit the 400s.
I've since gotten a new job that pays well but is pretty stressful. When I get home at the end of the day I just want to drop. I feel like I'm in and endless cycle. In order to really get back into the game and better my A1c I need energy, but in order to get energy I need less high bloodsugars. And I feel like I shouldn't even bother since I've already been so high for so long that complications are inevitable. My vision has become noticeably blurrier and you'd think I'd be really worried about it, but I'm just to tired to care. In fact sometimes I think it'd be nice to get sick because I could just sleep for a while and no one would bother me.
I'm not sure how to fix myself, or how to make myself care at all. I'm just so tired and stuck in my rut. Sometimes I say "today's the day I'll be a good diabetic!" and I'll test and give insulin and be really good...and then I'll get dizzy/sick from my bloodsugars swinging down and give up.
I feel like I'm fading away. I need help but I know no one can really help me. I don't know if I can ever change myself into a "good" diabetic or even an "ok" diabetic.