Fears

Does anyone ever go through crazy FEARS? Like food becomes my enemy. Bad blood sugars mean bad me. Afraid to show bg,s to doctor. I blame myself for EVERYTHING! My first thoughts are what did I do or what didn’t I do. What did I eat or what didn’t I calculate correctly and on and on.

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Never had fears like that. I do realize that comments like, “you shouldn’t feel like that” are not very helpful. But I’d like to suggest that you are further along than you think. The questions you are asking are the right ones — what did I eat, what did I do/not do, etc. The missing question, I think, is how can we interpret the answers differently?

If I were to take up the game of golf, I would likely do VERY badly for a time, even with the best of learning materials. But I’d get little sympathy from friends if I blamed myself as an inept or bad person.

I can choose to ask the same questions, "what did I do wrong, why was my swing off, etc. But skip the blame and skip right to the “what do I need to change the next time?”

Controlling our diabetes is the most critical game we will ever have to play. We don’t get to choose that. Somehow, because it is so critical, it’s easy to slip into injecting personal failure into the mix.

Success to me is measured in improvements. How did I do this month compared to last month, or last year or whatever. What were the factors? What did I do that worked? What did I do that didn’t? And how could I improve on those things?

Blame to me is sort of a cop-out. If I can convince myself that I’m a bad person, then I don’t have to do anything. I CAN’T do anything — I’m just a bad person. And the bad blood sugars and the fears will continue because, “I’m a bad person.”

This online community is a support group. Use that support to replace words like “bad person” and “bad blood sugars” with more positive terms.

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wow… that response… even more than could be expected from a “diabetes support group”.

I had a different reaction to the title FEARS. To me, that sparked fear of losing eyesight, kidney failure, or leg amputations. These may have been “good” fears (or threats, from Dr), of possible outcomes, to motivate me to make different choices, but often didn’t help.

Do you think additional knowledge or access to tools would help, or is it more of an emotional thought pattern that you can’t escape from ?

You may want to look into mindfulness. There have been prior discussions here, and below site may also be helpful.
https://www.diabetes.co.uk/emotions/diabetes-and-mindfulness.html