Fed up

I am fed up with everyone else’s inability to manage even minor medical events responsibly. It takes so little to prevent so much catastrophe. The ‘normals’ all seem so disabled and poorly intention-ed. They are so often unable to lift even a finger to care for themselves, even at the risks of catastrophic events for those around them. It’s partially cultural. There is nothing harder than getting Scandahoovians to go in to the Doctor. I really hate my Nordic-American peoples today.

My dad got so out of breath that he was panting like a dog after bending over. I negotiated and negotiated to get him to go into urgent care. It was all a big waste of time. After driving him there, he refused to go into an appointment and only submitted to a blood pressure check.

I told him that if he didn’t go into an appointment and discuss his shortness of breath with a Doctor, then I wasn’t taking insulin anymore. No one can be bothered to go in and get treatment for anything, so why should I do any favors for them? Every little thing turns into a critical failure with me sitting in the ICU for 2 weeks looking after them. I simply can’t take it anymore. Anyway, that seemed like a good deal to him. No appointment for him. No insulin for me. It begins…

Doesn’t sound like a good deal for you. Are you still looping?

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It sucks. I hate it. The battle of wills is on. My chronic illness ally is coming to pick me up. We are going to a movie. After that, I probobly wont be feeling very well. Chronic illness strike!

This is the hardest thing to watch and deal with. A loved one who just doesn’t get it. My Dad was just like this and for years ignored his health. Smoked, ate meat and potatoes, didn’t exercise, drank soda all the time. Finally when a heart attack and stroke at the age of 42, that put him into rehab for almost a year, he realized he had to change or he wouldn’t make it. No amount of talking, pleading, pushing would change his mind. It was a major health crisis that finally got through to him.
All of us in the family, like you just couldn’t keep up the battle. And we had to step back and let things happen as they may. So very hard to watch and also so very hard to not preach the “I told you so” lines we all wanted to throw at him.
So, please don’t throw all your hard work out the door. You can only control what you do not what everyone else is doing. Just let him know you love him and will miss him dearly if anything were to happen to him and move on.
Love you and don’t want anything bad to happen to you. You have worked way to hard to get where you are. Hang in there! And vent away here when he won’t listen or do whatever he should be doing.


Everybodys putting their cards on the table today. Lets see how important it is to the ‘normals’ that they not have to lift a finger to take care of themselves. Cards on the table.

@mohe0001 For you that’s just cutting off your nose to spite your face. Look no one wants to admit they’re sick, if they go to the doctor and the doctor says you have a heart issue then it hits you smack in the face. If you don’t go then you don’t get told, then you don’t have it.

That is how some people think and I sort of get it. Not that’s it a good thing to do, but the not wanting to be sick.

And for some it’s that fine line of this is something I have and it’s an allergy or leftover cold and I will get better versus trying to figure out if it is something more serious. Nobody wants the serious.

Sometimes if you say do it for me, I am worried about you and it will make me feel better if I hear the doctor say you’re okay. For some reason I am really worried and it is affecting me badly etc etc. Sometimes that works because then they think it’s a you problem and not a them problem.


In the end, you can only control what you do. Don’t hurt yourself. Example is the best way to show others what you think is important. Let your father know that you love him and want what is best for him. Lend him your ear and your heart but don’t get sucked into a mutually harmful scenario.


Insulin resumed. Negotiations complete…not necessarily ‘successful,’ but successful enough, which is good because I feel like ■■■■. Will have to read tomoorw. Feel horrible. this be over by morning. Terrible plan.much worse than i imagined it would be. do not enact this strategy


Although I sympathize with your problem I found your ethnic generalization questionable.

There is nothing harder than getting Scandahoovians to go [into] the Doctor. I really hate my Nordic-American peoples today.

I couldn’t find any research that pointed to that, other than a potential link between Scandinavians and stoicism/reserve.

My personal experience is that it is more related to income, education, and personality. My rarely-worrying, poorly-educated, Depression-born mother never went to doctors and avoided them at all costs. My spouse’s mother, also born in the Depression, but my mother’s demographic polar opposite, neurotic, well-educated, and more affluent, has transferred to my wife the same attitude about doctors and health.

I still have some of my mother’s attitudes about health care, along the lines of giving something a few days to clear up before considering medical care, but then often goaded by my spouse to take care of it immediately. I could be described as being stoic.

I agree with terry4, we are in control of our own body. We are adults. We make our life, good or bad. Nancy50

Not taking your insulin to force someone to do what you want, is sort of like an adult temper tantrum, except with more dire consequences. You are unique–I’ll give you that! :slight_smile:


Not taking your insulin reminds me of the saying about ingesting poison and hoping that your enemy dies.

But…sincerely hope you’re feeling better today.

For better or worse, we were pushed into the deep end of navigating the medical system including pre-approvals and insurance companies and not taking no for an answer and repeating ourselves until the docs believe us.

Me? I didn’t do too well after graduating from pediatric endocrinology to adult doctors but eventually I caught on and am doing OK with dealing with docs and insurance and front desk and pharmacists and the works.

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I’m glad your insulin strike is over…
I agree with Marie20, some people are afraid to know. If they don’t go in, they won’t hear it, so it doesn’t exist. It’s hard to combat that. You could always try calling 911. They may be able to get some basic info checked. Depending on where you are, they may be able to do an EKG in the field, get a pulse/oxy on him, and a blood pressure. Also you can purchased a pulse oximeter from Amazon for anywhere from $15-25. It will tell you his pulse and blood oxygen saturation. Maybe you could convince him that, if it below a certain number, he has to go to the Emergency Room (you’d have to talk to a doctor about what that level should be). Normal is between 95-100% but, people with known conditions that affect the blood oxygen level may have a lower “normal”. Tell him if that level is below 85%, he doesn’t get a vote, he’s going in even if you have to knock him out.

Another possibility, have you ever been impaired by a low blood sugar and has he witnessed it. (Witnessing it is vastly different experience then just “knowing” about it). If his oxygen level is low his brain’s cognitive function is impaired just like when you have a hypoglycemic episode. You could compare it to that and tell him that if his blood oxygen is low, he may not have the wherewithal to make sound decisions.

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Its published in medical books, under ‘cultural considerations.’ I’ve read it there some years ago. I laughed. Its funny because its true. You get these old guys who could be laying out in the middle of a field with one leg ripped off, the ambulance shows up, and their like, “I’m fine. I don’t want to put you out.” Then, you gotta be like, “Nor, sir, you are not fine - your leg is clearly missing. It’s no trouble, please come with us.” I understand it. I’m sure I used to have tendencies in that direction. But, its a super annoying, ultra predictable negotiation that almost always occurs. It can go on and on and on.

About half the difficulty of getting someone to go to the hospital is $. The other half is the old “I don’t want to be any trouble,” routine, which makes them five times as much trouble in actuality. Because then, you gotta go through the whole explanation of WHY there are risks to lying out in the middle of a field with one leg ripped off, bleeding out. As you can imagine, this conversation borders on the absurd and can really test ones patience when your watching someone bleed out. Some people just avoid the negotiation entirely, wait until their unconscious, and take them to the hospital, thereby bypassing the whole need to get consent. That’s ideal if it works that way. People do that with diabetics a lot because some diabetics will swing at ya.

I have no idea if people do that in other parts of the country. I’d like to believe that people are more sensible elsewhere.

I, personally, believe that in this case, its about . It stems from a general distrust of the medical system and a belief that they will F him with respect to . Its hard to argue with that, but you do have to ensure that people are making informed decisions. So, now I have to investigate his insurance policy and find out if they will, in fact, change him $200 for an appointment. I don’t believe that he actually knows. Its just an excuse not to go in.

Depends on the state, but some states allow insurers to sell bad insurance plans with $30K+ of deductibles before insurance will pay a single penny. Or insurance plans with a network that no doctors belong to. When you call the doctor’s office to schedule a new patient appointment and you tell them the name of these bad plans, they tell you right up front that the office visit will be $200 and you have to pay on the spot because those insurance plans aren’t worth anything. (and that doesn’t include labs). When I was young and foolish I might have bought such a plan myself! But there are old and foolish folks too!