Feeling attractive as a diabetic

I am not finding it easy.

And feeling attractive is crucial to any kind of dating, or relationship.

Whats hard is that it is so easy to blame everything on the D. To think that but for diabetes I could be.... whatever. Or she would be more..... whatever. They would find me more..... whatever.

My friends tell me I am just as ugly as I was before I was diagnosed, so I shouldn't get all self righteous and angry about it. The friends I have!

You have to get some new friends JeffD! :slight_smile: Why would you want to have friends that call you ugly? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

I’m hoping that was just your friends bad attempt at humor on a sensitive situation, otherwise you will need better friends. I had the same fears when I was diagnosed 5 years ago, and there were some girls I met that actually decided this was a problem for them. looking back, those people were very shallow, and there was no way I could be with them anyways for that. Generally, if you take care of your condition, most girls won’t care a bit.

On attraction, people could write seemingly forever. Since it seems to me like it’s just your confidence in yourself that’s bothering you, all I can say is that when I was comfortable managing my diabetes, and in dealing with the rest of my life (friends, family, school, hobbies, work, etc.), things turned 180…I felt great about myself, and that gets noticed. Again, a footnote on attractiveness, but I hope that helps.

Hey Jeff…The big D doesn’t change who you are! When I go out on dates with someone new I make it a point to check my BG in front of them and tell them about the pump. If these things turn them off then I know that I didn’t need them around me anyway. I have actually been told that several of the guys have been very impressed that I didn’t hide it and wasn’t embarrassed by it! You have to live with this and need accepting people around you. Our “condition” does not define us and there was nothing we could have done to prevent it. It is what it is…I say that you should be you and the people who are worthy of you will accept everything about you. It is not you that is not attractive, it the attitudes of the prople who are too shallow to see past the condition. You have to support yourself and everything that is part of you! We are here for moral support…hold your head high!

Jeff I totally agree with my D friends on their comments! Its good that you had the courage to open your self here, because we all live the same situation so we can help each other. Being attractive or not is something totally relative, not defined, not standard, and its MUCH more inside than outside. I have dated guys that my friends considered them ugly, but for me they were gorgeous! Never ever let the others tell who you are.
First of all, you must find yourself, look to you with love, with acceptance and self respect, if you do this for you, you will certainly be the most attractive guy ever. I know that keeping this high self steam is not easy, but begin slowly, start doing something you like every single day, some time just for you!! You will start feeling more confident before few weeks, because when we think about ourselves and just do the right thing, it´s delightful… we feel proud of us, at least it works for me. LOVE has nothing to do with appearence, I have seen beautiful, stunning, gorgeous people living just miserable relationships. I tell you that being attractive is a state of spirity. Take care!! Fabiana

Yea its my friends lame attempt at humor.

But its important because breaking up is always complicated and the reasons are so many, even among people with healthy beta cells, and perhaps fear of the consequences of D was part of it, certainly not all of it, but maybe some of it.

Who knows really. Its a miracle when two people manage to keep it together, and you can’t blame D just because a miracle didn’t happen.

Well sure you can, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.

Totally agree Jeff… it doesn´t get you anywhere. The thing is… when we love someone and we break up the relationship it hurts, really hurts! but some time later, you can see clearly. And if this person broke up with you because of the fear of the consequences of D (which can be none if controled). This person is not the ONE for you, because relationships are about support and being there with you no matter what. You need someone who is in this battle WITH you, helping you to be healthier and someone even better every single day! I´ve been in a situation… this is it: Ii was going out with a guy who was aparently crazy about me but when he noticed i had a pump he looked at me as if i was not what he imagined. From this day I thought… this is not the guy for me… And from this day to now my pump is a IDIOT DETECTOR for me… LOL See you, have a great weekend!

Diabetics are always attractive and sweeter than the rest!

Haha -I agree with this! I have totally stuck my pod in obvious spots so that we get the D explanation over with right up front.

LITERALLY sweeter! Hahahahaha

really diabetes is a curse

I think the trick to feeling attractive with D is to embrace all the marks that it gives you psychologically and physically. It's extra hard when you've just broken up with someone because you often think that there is no one that will love you with all this extra diabetes "baggage", if you will. Personally, I always take a step back from the dating world, just to make sure that my head is on my shoulders and my bg is in target before starting back at "the game". I also have "Diabetes" tattooed on my wrist with the MedicAlert symbol, which helps break the ice with someone new.

i will tell you a tory of my life. I felt so unatractive.I have forgotten about men and sex.I deleted this subject from my vocabulary. Bad moods, depression,pains,I had no courage to thnik about love man and date. A date? What to wear not to look fat? I can't do it. One day I got a letter from a man who is a simple way asked to correspond with me, we only saw our faces.
It started friendship for 2 years. Noww e are in big love with each other. We are lost long time ago brother sister souls. He is diabetic too. Now , I am currently write a book about us and write poems. Whe i am writing tears run down my face , but it is a joy.

i got used to a thought I am diabetic. Especially when I became sensitive and compassionate to people who have cancer with a sentence to die soon, ot people with no legs.
I am particulary sensitive to people who are blind. When I see a blind I cry. Maybe because I love looking at paintings and art. I don't treat my diabetes as a curse anymore, I feel I got a warning to take care for my body.

"My friends tell me I am just as ugly as I was before I was diagnosed,"
if you are not joking, let me ask you if you call tehm friends?
so how would you call people who tell you are nice and charming and they love to be with you? Also ffriends.So our vocabualry is too small. When you ask men what women are atractive, it is amazing answer. They are scared of beautiful women and beautiful faces and bodies. Really. Men like women who are alive, charming, enthusiastic, energetic, and loving and caring. We , women , also like men with such qualities.Don't we? Lovin, caring, why not?

Its hard in this image driven soceity to feel comfortable and lovable in your own skin, especially when you are trying to control a chronic health condition. I have multiple guys who are interested in me, but I fear their response once I reveal what is going on. It’s tough.

I don't know anybody perfect, everybody suffers for some chronic health condition, the worst is lack of heart

Dear Jeff.
I don't really think it's so much an ugliness issue as much as...well...I don't know how to say this...you look ALOT like a rabbit!

I agree completely...anyone that would reject me because of something completely beyond my control wouldn't be worth my time and attention, anyway. Being a strong and accepting human in this society is a benefit, not a curse.


See, I like both the opening humor and this bit. Bravo!