Feeling No Joy in His Season

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It is a day before Christmas eve. I used to find joy in Christmas. This year has been tough. I’m a divorced dad of two. The oldest and I have a great relationship, as one can have with a 14 male teen. The youngest is a preteen. Did I mention that the preteen is my daughter. It seems like nothing I do is good enough. We have not spoken since early October. The Bible says we are supposed to keep running the race. Sometimes I feel like I just want to get off the track and watch the race from the bench. But I try not to be a quitter. There are days where I feel overwhelmed. Being a better parent, being a better steward of the resources that God has given me, being a better support to my ex-wife and being better Christian. Many thoughts sidetrack me. I was not a good husband, it appears that I am not a good parent and there are days I question if I am a good friend to my friends. I know that these are strange thoughts to have at 1136 pm, when I should be in bed.

Thought that putting up the tree and lights would make me happier. Not so much. Maybe playing more Christmas music make me happier. No even close. I like out my window and see all the balconies with cool looking lights creations on their patterns. I have got one string. Yes I feel like Charlie Brown. I know that there is much joy around me. Children laughing in the mall, playing road hockey with their friends and hanging out with people that care about them. Young families starting out on their mutual race. Mature couples who are making that turn for the finish line. It seems like the media saturates us with the message that we need to be in a relationship to be content and happy. Sometimes that can be true but for the most time this is a false tale. Granted I would love to be in a relationship, but there are areas in my life that I need to get squared away.

I am looking for this month, year and decade to say good bye to us. I need to sit down and make a list of what I value in this life. Where do I see myself in a month, year and 5 years from now. 2010 is the time to make a start that is fresh. I need to make a stand on what I want to in do and what kind of impact I would like to make on others that are in my life. I turn 44 in June. According to medical “experts” my life is half over. I feel that I have not contributed substantially to this place we call home. I can sit on the bench and watch people race by me or I can stand up join the race and make something of my time left.

Many people around the world will attend their congregations and will reflect on a cold night in a lowly stable in Bethlehem. They will hear a message about a teen that gave birth to a baby who in 33 years will have an impact on the world. It is my prayer that this message will resonate with me once again. I used to have joy in my life. I need to replace that sadness with joy that can heal.

It is my goal this season to improve in the areas mentioned. I hope to be an impact in my kids lives and my friends lifes.

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Hi there: :slight_smile:

That’s unfortunate that you are feeling sad. Like you, many People probably near you, are feeling the same way whether they have lights flashing or music playing. There seems to be too many reasons to be sad.

According to the 4th Commandment, Children are supposed to Honour Their Father and their Mother. The Bible is written by Adults. A Child’s brain is immature and many do not fully understand Adult beliefs or ideas. Some just do not wish to partake fully because they would rather be with their friends sometimes, etc. Been there, done that.

Ah! A preteen. God love ya. This too will pass. All those raging hormones starting. That may come down sometimes but won’t pass. Sorry. Most Kids and some young Adults really don’t know the Bad affect of the feelings that they are causing until it is mentioned to them, way later. I take it that your Ex has your daughter?

Making a list is a Good idea. Set some goals and try to stick to them. Don’t feel you have to paste anything onto Jan. 1st. Too many People seem to fail with that starting date. Pick a day that feels right for you in the first few months.

I presume that you have 2 healthy Kids, you have a job, a roof overhead, you have food, you’re warm, you have a vehicle, your Diabetes is under reasonable control, you drink clean water, you are able to seek medical care, you have Friends and Family, you can read, you can hear beautiful music, you have all your senses, you can speak to People throughout the world, you have a future, you have a Savior, you can pray. If you have half of these…you are Blessed.

I will be attending Mass late this evening to celebrate Jesus’s Birthday. I will be thinking of you and I will pray for you.

Look beyond the immediate. There you will find Peace and Happiness.

Merry Christmas Andrew

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Hey Andrew, hang in there. Embrace your pain and recognize that as bad as it hurts its even worse to deny it. If you didn’t feel this way you wouldn’t be human. One of the best ways to get rid of this pain is to exercise and volunteer helping others in some capacity. Get out there, move around, go for walks, do something, talk to a trusted friend who will listen and above all pray. Stare this down and look at in the face and say your going to keep fighting. I will be thinking of you…You can do it…

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Andrew, I’ll be thinking of you today. Try to get outside for a little walk or something. Find one of God’s creations to admire, be it a bird, a tree, or a stone. Come to TuDiabetes, and experience the fellowship of all the amazing people here. Tell your kids and your friends that you love them. Let the message of God’s love nestle in your heart this Christmas.

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Dear Andrew, Please don’t take your daughters gestures to heart as she still is not in control of what she say’s or does and she will follow outside influences that are not that of her own. Andrew you need to try and do what you think is right as you should follow your heart and show her the love that you have for her and even though at this point in time like you say it’s not good enough one day it will mean everything to her as she will open her eye’s and see your love. I myself am grateful for each day that I open my eye’s and every night I rest my soul as our time here is ever so short as we all live here on borrowed time. Andrew I work as a Paramedic and I see allot horrific events unfold before my very eye’s I am grateful God gave me the gift to make a difference and save a life here and there. Andrew as you can see by the other comments there are many people here that are grateful you are here and wish you all the happiness in the world. PS if there is ever anything I can do please let me know. Merry Christmas my friend you are not alone…

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Andrew,

I gotta say this…Nothing a parent of a teen or preteen seems to be right! I have 2 girls one 21 and the other almost 20 and just now have we gotten to where we can “talk” to each other again. It takes alot to parent when our kids become teens. As for your bad relationship just knock it up to a lesson learned.

Yes this year has been a bad one for almost everybody so we just tuck it under our belt and try to do better next year! Or atleast that’s what I try to do. As for your being in the feastive mood well your not the only one who isn’t. I’ve put on a face for my grandkids but their mom and aunt (my daughter’s) know mom isn’t in the mood! Chin up next year will (has) be better!

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Andrew, it has been a tough year. A very tough year. And my heart and soul go out to you! I hated Christmas this year. I could have done without it. I took as long as I could before I put up a tree, etc. All because it has been a tough year, and I have hated it. If you think of how many Christmas’ we are going to have in our life time, given the idea that we live to 70…that’s a lot…and if one isn’t celebrated in the traditional fashion because we aren’t feeling the joy, what have we lost? Sometimes the holidays are struggles not joys. Sometimes we have to admit that the struggle wins and the joy just wasn’t there.

I am with you, Andrew, I want to make the next year to be better in that I learn to enjoy life. You put it right on the button. I am hoping and praying that we can both succeed. I’ll keep track of you, and you can keep track of me. We’ll over come these feelings, and make our families and friends lives better, and that may make ours better, too.

Here’s to a great new year!~

Cathy

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Andrew,
As I read your message I get the feeling that this might be the first Christmas you have had since your divorce. This time of year would naturally be very difficult for you. If you didn’t feel sad and alone you wouldn’t be human. I’m sure your children are trying to sort things out themselves, this is a difficult time for them too. Your daughter may not understand why things happened as they did and her defense is to withdraw. Others have mentioned the teen problems, they are correct. We have two children in their 30’s now but I still remember the difficult teen years.

Divorce is similar to experiencing a death in the family. Both are terrible losses. My sister lost her son a couple of years ago and is just now beginning to be happy at Christmas again. As a family we all have tried to support her. It is finally beginning to have some positive affect. My suggestion is similar to those made by others. Look for a strong support group. You mentioned being a Christian, become involved in church activities, volunteer at community kitchens or other places where your efforts will make a big difference in someones life. When you do something nice for someone and get a big smile in return you will feel much better. The last thing you want to do is stay home and become a recluse.

All the TV shows give the idea that everyone is happy this time of year, and if you aren’t happy there is something wrong with you. Actually the feelings you expressed are quite common around the first of the year. People look back and see that they are a year older and not as well off as they had hoped. Their job may not be as rewarding as it once was or as they had hoped. At 44 you might feel you are too old to make a career change and right now the prospects seem grim right now for 2010. But I’m here to tell you that that doesn’t have to be the way it is. I was in my 50’s before I finally graduated from college. I was let go from my company during a downsize after working there for over 28 years. I had to start over with a new career since I wasn’t old enough for social security. Now after 12 years I see that all of the changes have been really good even though they were a little scary at the time. I’m sure as you work through your life changes things will begin to be better for you too.

Just hang in there, get involved and remember prayer.