My mom's funeral was today (technically yesterday now). Not many people showed up, but I was expecting that. I think my mom would have wanted it that way anyway - she wasn't a big fan of crowds.

It was held at the funeral home, and the pastor we got to do the service did a wonderful job, even though he never met her. I read two sets of Scriptures (1 Corinthians 13 and Revelation 21:1-6 if anyone is curious) and after the service had people tell me that I did a good job and that I was very brave to have done that. I'd wondered if I could do it too, but I did, and I'm glad. It's kind of like closing a wound in a way, but I can't quite describe why. I was involved with my mom's care a lot while she was still alive, and now that she's gone I was also involved with the sendoff of her physical body, kind of like the cycle is complete now. I used to want to be a pastor too, so it just felt right somehow. I dunno, maybe that sounds dumb, but that's how it was.

I'm sure I'll have a lot more crying and grieving to do, but today I didn't. I laughed, as I've laughed all week really, as I shared stories of my mom with people, and I know that's how she would have wanted it too. She's not sick or sad anymore, and we shouldn't be either. I don't know what people's beliefs on this site are, but I have to believe that she's in a better place, and that someday I will go there too. I have a lot I need to deal with, but right now all is well. I don't know if my mom's spirit is helping me with that or if it's God or if they're both the same now, but I'm content. Maybe I'm just numb and it's gonna hit me hard later, but for now I will rest peacefully, knowing that my mom is too.

Good for you Cara. Remember all those good times! We're proud of you!!

Cara my sweet…I hold you in my heart and prayers. What you went through is pretty much the hardest thing. Grieving comes in waves of joy and sadness. You will always grieve your mom, but the depths of sadness will ease in time. HUGE hugs my dear. We are here for you when you may need us. Take it moment by moment…and know that we love you :heart: I am so so sorry for your loss.

so sorry cara for your loss but we are all here for you
with love

It's a cliche to say that with time the hurt will lessen and the happy memories will come to predominate. It's a cliche for the simple reason that it's true. I often have the feeling that someone I've lost is looking over my shoulder, pushing me in the right direction. As someone much wiser than me once said, death ends a life -- it doesn't end a relationship. Your mom will never really leave you.

i agree with david

Thank you all for your kind comments. I'm glad I can post this stuff here, it really helps.

we are all so glad you joined us
we always try to help

Dear Cara,
So beautiful what you wrote, I had to print it and keep it. My heart feels you.

Hi Cara, I'm glad you were able to read those scriptures and that you made it through the funeral ok and you're feeling some peace now.