Well, last night I tried something that I hadn’t tried before. Did it on my own, without discussing it with my CDE. Results? Disaster!! LOL, I tried a dual wave bolus… won’t do that on my own again without a little assistance. Let’s just say I did some ballpark type calculations and it turned out to be a big ballpark.
But other than that, and I can really only blame myself, things are going better. I’m trusting the pump more and starting to think more like a pumper, I believe, but there is still a way to go, as my experience last night taught me. Hopefully i, in a week or two I can start exercising again, I might be able to now, but still don’t feel like things are dialed in tight enough to throw another variable in the mix.
I continue to learn a lot from everyone here and as I was thinking that I started to wonder how I ended up at this point. Literally, that came up as I was typing that last sentence.
I had always followed news articles about diabetes, but never was really much of a “support group kinda guy”. I really always had to do it on my own, and I had doctor’s I could call. I included websites in that “support group” category. But several things have changed in the past year or so,
My depression has always been bad, lack of self confidence, don’t like social occasions, etc. I have a very self-deprecating sense of humor, never afraid to make fun of myself, which was actually negative thinking. Now, I can still put myself down, but am also able to tell myself “nice job” and not always look for the bad things to happen.
I think the turning point was when I decided to stop using my GP to treat my depression and go to a psychiatrist for medication management. It was at that point that I was able to feel that it was worth it to actually try and control things in my life that I could and to stop worrying so much about the things I couldn’t.
As I started to continue to feel better, I actually started looking a diabetes specific websites!!! OMGZORZ!!! The first one I started visiting regularly was Amy Tenderich’s Diabetes Mine. From there I went to quite a number of sites, some I liked, some I didn’t. But I started to realize that there was a community out here and I was a member of it whether I knew it or not, People were experiencing the same things I were, knew where I was coming from! What a concept
A long time ago, when I was going thru a particularly rough time, a friend told me “Everyone has a cross to bear. Some crosses are light, some are heavy. Sometimes they just seem heavy. But there is nothing that says you always have to carry that damn thing all by yourself”. I think I’ve finally been able to take that to heart.
So here I am today, pumping, actually participating in a diabetes website! A year ago, I wouldn’t have even considered pumping, it would have been just another pain in the butt to stay on top of every day. Now it’s something I see as part of living and I’m feeling that living is not so bad now.
As we all go through the frustrations and pains of diabetes and our lives, another quote comes to mind (and for the life of me I can’t remember where I heard it)
Pain is there to remind us that we’re alive
As always, thanks for stopping by and take care of those who need it
Scott