Frustrated and Feeling Guilty

So, my insulin resistence continues to grow to ridiculous proportions and I don’t think I realized that I might have to really consider being on a pump, CGM, and give myself shots three times a day since my carb/insulin ratio is getting to be so high. My pump won’t give more than 10 units for a bolus, and I’m pretty sure I need to be at 1 to 3 ratio for Lunch and Dinner and at least 1 to 2 for breakfast. PLUS, I’m only 6 months, which is terrifying. Can you actually have a ratio that is 1 to 1/2??? I’ve been trying to have the attitude of whatever it takes to have a healthy baby, but I’m feeling really frustrated with all of the extra work and worry and needles and bruises I have to endure. And then I feel really guilty that I can’t be stronger and more willing to do “whatever it takes” for my own baby. Plus, I do all of this work, and still have such a hard time with keeping my sugars in control. I kind of just feel like a failure before even giving birth! I’m sure some of it is hormones, but this pregnancy is much harder than I thought it was going to be with regards to the diabetes and everything I have to do to try and keep my sugars in some sort of tight control. Is anyone else struggling with this or have any advice?

My pump had a max bolus setting that was set to 10 originally… I broke that barrier long ago and reset it. Are you sure your pump doesn’t have a max bolus setting too?

As for your feelings, I think they are totally normal. Around the 5-6 month mark I was crying in my endos office because I thought I was an awful person who was hurting my baby because I was having trouble keeping near my targets. And I was trying so hard! Since then things have gotten better… my insulin resistance stopped changing so quickly (from weeks 18 - 22 is when things started skyrocketing for me) and I’ve gotten a little better at it.

Being diabetic and pregnant is like all the normal pregnancy guilt x10. Hang in there. I’m told the experience is finite. :slight_smile:

Hey Laura, thanks for the support. Its amazing how much better you can feel when just one person validates your feelings from their own experiences. I suppose that why this group was created in the first place. And you are right about the max bolus setting- thank you!!! It helps me feel less judged by my pump!

I second Laura’s comment regarding the ratios: There’s a good chance you can change your bolus limit. (10 units isn’t astronomical, after all.) On my Animas Ping, I go to Settings, then Advanced, then the 3rd menu. That’s where I can change my limits.

I felt horrible during my first trimester. I was amazed at how difficult it was, and that I couldn’t keep things so impressively under control as I’d read a few women mentioning online. I also had a lot of anger about this “diabetic pregnancy” totally taking over my life… and then I felt soooooooo guilty for feeling that way! I thought that I should just “be stronger,” but I found that what I had to do was strike a reasonable balance since then by allowing myself to be a little bit selfish in the less concerning areas of pregnancy. Coffee? I still have a cup every morning. Cold cuts? I’ll eat them without heating them first every now and then (I can’t stand the texture of cold cuts that were heated, even if I cool them again!). Limiting fish intake to once a week? I avoid the really high mercury varieties, but I otherwise don’t limit how often I eat fish.

And, high blood glucose? I bolus and move on. I keep track to see if it’s a pattern that requires adjustment to insulin (or avoidance of a certain food, like I really have to limit how much rice I have in a sitting now!), but all the stress in the world won’t help bring that number down… In fact, in most people, stress brings the number up!

The fact is that, while our babies are #1 in our minds right now, we have to remember that our mental health is as important as our physical health. Part of why most doctors are willing to put some pregnant women on C-category antidepressants (there aren’t any B anti-depressants anymore) is because depression and stress make it that much harder to take care of yourself. Your emotions are very, very real and they affect your life in more tangible ways than most people suspect. It sounds to me like you’re doing so much for your baby. That’s awesome, be proud! But you are entitled to have a good cry over your disrupted life. (And I think we all need to remember that no one does this perfectly.)

You are doing everything right – just keep increasing those basals and boluses. Your baby doesn’t care how much insulin you need to take to have good numbers!

I was seeing high numbers every day in the end of the second trimester because my insulin resistance was increasing so regularly. I couldn’t keep up with the basal and bolus increases. It helped that my doctor made HUGE basal increases (so dramatic that I would have been afraid to do it on my own). My insulin resistance stayed, but did not change as quickly – so my numbers have been a lot better in the third trimester. So your insulin resistance may not continue to increase at this rate until the end. We are all different and we just need to respond to the numbers we see even when they make us want to pull our hair out!!!

Good luck and keep us posted on how you are doing!

I second her opinion. I’m really aggressive with my numbers. But if i see a high 200, my heart sinks, I take a shot, drink a glass of water, then test again in a half hour. You have to just move on. There is no such thing as a perfect pregnant woman- let alone a perfect pregnant woman with a life threatening disease that was 24/7 BEFORE baby. It’s a lot of stress.

I’m on shots, 20+ per day. My carb ratio is also 1:2 and creeping up. I’m now at the point where I take “an extra 10 units” just to cover. If I’ve overcompensated, then a few sips of juice will correct the low.

Diabetes is kind of a guilty disease anyway. We feel guilty for having it. We feel guilty for not have perfect numbers. We feel guilty for having to increase our dosages. We feel guilty for weight gain due to increased insulin resistance. Add in pregnancy and it’s guilt x100.

I was getting a lot of pressure from my doctors to “tighten” my BG control. Most of them didnt understand that there’s a difference between gestational and Type 1. So, they’d make me feel WICKED GUILTY for having a one hour postprandial of 140. Ummm… 1 hour postprandial of 140 is pretty frickin good. Pregnant or not! So, now I just smile and trust myself. No one knows my body better than me.

I’m doing the best that I can. I know that.
~30 weeks pregnant.

I dance with post-prandials of 140!! Man, for people without a functioning pancreas, we do pretty well!!!

haha. I get pretty excited about it too. :slight_smile:
Before pregnancy, postpradials were like 190. Eesh. And I thought THAT was good enough!


Hop on board. I was really freaked out at those sudden insulin ratio changes when I was pregnant with my son. In every effort to stay on top of it, I was testing 10-15 times a day. I didn’t have a GCM at the time and may even consider using it during my next pregnancy. What does your doctor say about your pumps ability to supply your need? Despite my ups and downs, it did help me to level out some if I even got a smidge of exercise. I got my hands on that old school Denise Austin pregnancy workout video, but it worked. By the way, I promise your endurance in this race will pay off the moment you hear that baby’s first cry. You must keep hope and know that you are not alone.

If it makes you feel any better, I have a T2 pregnant friend who is 16 weeks and already taking 35 units of aspart with each meal.

If anyone’s interested in prenatal exercise videos, I recently got a Lindsey Brin one, and I love it (never thought I’d say that about a workout DVD!) :slight_smile:

What kind of pump? I have a minimed and can adjust the max setting the most the pump will allow is 25 units per bolus. Which is quite big.

Thanks everyone, I knew I’d feel better after reading your posts!! I have a minimed pump, and I successfully upped the max bolus for 25 units, which has helped. I did discover though that it won’t allow a ratio lower than 1 to 2, so I suppose at some point I’ll have to do the math myself, which I guess won’t be too hard if its 1 to 1!!! So far, it looks like I’m almost up to 95 units a day, compared to my 35-40 pre pregnancy, and will be 28 weeks tomorrow. But, I go see the endo on Monday, so we’ll see if that stays the same or not. Thanks for all your support and guidance!

wooo 1:2. Oh dear…I’m only 17 weeks and I was freaking with a 1:7 at dinner time. I find it odd that the rest of the day is 1:11 but dinner time is bolus crazy, I’m told to expect a much further increase soon enough! I just can’t imagine how much you have to bolus with a 1:2. I think I’m scared now…

My total daily dose had about doubled by that point as well. Glad that you are feeling better :slight_smile:

I’m so sorry I know you must be so frustrated!! Stay strong and just keep your eye on the prize and take it one day at a time. Have you asked your dr about adding Metformin to help with the horrible insulin resistance?

Are you still taking the Metformin? If so at what week did your Dr allow you to begin taking it, what dosage, and what side effects have you had?