That seems to be the word for everyone lately… I am seriously frustrated by life, by the economy, health care, my coworkers, my family… But that’s not to say that any of these things are specific to diabetes. What IS specific to diabetes is my body’s response to frustration and the inevitable death spiral that it causes. Where my head goes, my body follows. (By the way, does anyone else see diabetes as biofeedback?) I happen to work for a truly wonderful company in Florida whose business is organ transplants. Recently, a major local hospital bought out a part of that business (ours is not-for-profit)… and I understand that with any ‘merger’ - the closest word I can think of to describe this - there are bound to be a lot of upsets and growing pains… but this is starting to get deranged. i.e. a patient who had been active for a kidney transplant who was de-listed (and not allowed to transfer wait time in UNOS) simply because they did not fit the correct ‘financial profile’. I understand concerns about the state of health care in the united states… and we are people who are dependent upon it for our lives. Seriously, has anyone seen the episode of 'House" where house and Vogler have a standoff? (I think the episode is called Baby and Bathwater, or something similar) - this kind of faceoff is exactly what I mean… Vogler (the CEO and main financial contributor to the hospital) says something to the effect of 'House is all that’s wrong with health care today, wasteful and unethical" and of course, everyone who tries to say otherwise is strong armed or fired. I think this is a very good description of what is wrong with health care in general and what is happening in my own back yard, so to speak. The idea that health care should be run like a business is frankly absurd. I’m not exactly sure what it will take to get any change. Most people in this country are only worried about themselves (and to an extent, rightfully so). However, I don’t see anyone doing much of anything but trying to profit from other people’s misery… which is what these insurance companies and for-profit (blatantly!!!) hospitals do.

I have an advantage and consolation that I work for such a wonderful company. But its seriously distressing to see these ideals die. I believe in what I do, and do the best I can every day. But sometimes its like I’m drowning. I keep swimming against the current, expending huge amounts of energy - some days energy that I don’t have - to try to help others like me. And how can I stand in the face of such a giant? I admit that nothing’s perfect… but it was a hell of a lot better than this. I know the patients involved feel it just as I do and everyone else does. How can I not fight for something so worthwhile?

I’m sorry all these thoughts are a little out of order, as I said I’m very frustrated. This company whose name I won’t mention, which runs like a business - the first mistake - is also very wasteful themselves. We did the work to be done with half the people in half the time… and they’re too confused themselves to really do anything but hurt people. Am I alone when I say WTF!!! This is some serious bullsh&&*&. Has the world gone insane? Have we suddenly reverted to animal status? Where is everyone and why don’t they care? Why are we all so busy fighting eachother that we can’t work together? There are people out there dying because their insurance companies won’t clear them in time to save them…

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn’t a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

  • Martin Niemoller