"Ghosts"

What do you do about baaaaad lows that your kids/loved ones have seen… and continously “recall” those potent ghosts.

“… dad did YOU T-E-S-T… we don’t want to have that time at the park (fill in the blank) to happen again…we almost died…”

Events, years after that fact that will not go away. Past events with dangerous teeth that need to be put to rest… the mere recollection rends our spirit, harms us greatly…

Thoughts/events…?
Stuart

Hey, I just joined “Parents of Type 1” to answer this question. It’s not just the lows that ghost. It’s the mistakes, too.

I am a Type 1 and, while in college, went on a five-week study abroad trip to Germany. While there, some of us went for a weekend jaunt to the Czech Republic and I left my Humalog bottle back in East Germany and my pump went empty just after we arrived in Prague. It was a huge fiasco that involved visiting many pharmacies, at least 4 hospitals, and getting hit up by a black marketeer (tempting, but no). I eventually found an American Medical Center with a doctor who wrote me an Rx for Regular and called a pharmacy to ask them to stay open until I could get there. It was a short-term horrific experience for me - but worse for my parents. This was the first weekend of my five weeks. I knew I was going to be fine for the rest of the trip, was so proud at my ingenuity for getting insulin and finding an American doctor in a foreign land, had plenty of supplies with me back at my apartment in Germany, and YES, knew I’d made a mistake. But all they could think about was how far away and helpless they felt.

I had never EVER shown that kind of forgetfulness or negligence. But not one family member has ever remembered that, in the end, it was a success for me - a mark that I could be in the absolute worst of circumstances and manage it. I was 21. For me, it was almost a rite of passage. For my then endo and my family, it was something that had to come up again and again. I thought I had packed it. Just as you think you have your car keys, your wallet, and maybe they’re in your other pants. Even if it had been gross negligence, at some point, is absolution ever possible?

I believe that gentle guidance “hey, grab some snacks for lows before we leave” rather than “remember that time you didn’t…” goes much further in nurturing people who already deal with so much. The ghosts are one of the major MAJOR factors in diabetic rebellion.

They only remember the part where you FAILED to remember your insulin ehhhh? SIGH…
not the part where you coped rather ingeniously? If you had it to do over again, would you ever have told them…let them find out about it given that choice?! I cannot think of a single episode certainly never re: the kids, definately NEVER the family where I would EVER let any of them EVER find out…

I’ll keep the memories and what they never learn of… won’t burden me more… thrown in my face no matter how ~loving~, how out of concern it may be have been intended. Think I’d prefer the 1,000 cuts and some salt water please… rather than to be endlessly reminded of such things.

But maybe I’m the one not wearing the clothes and just don’t know it…
Stuart

Btw, what do you mean “…ghosts are a factor in “diabetes rebellion”…” ???

I get tortured repeatedly by ancient events (I think most of us do in this respect anyway) whereby we can do absolutely nothing about them, yet in/by retelling them… gives our loved ones the pretense, the “shield” of control.

Stuart

Well, I teach high school. I see this kind of thing frequently - with drugs, with grades, etc. A parent goes on and on about a negative event or experience. Even though a child knows it’s negative, two factors can come into play that create an environment that makes the child repeat the event. One is that they become so sick of hearing about it that they lash out against their parents wishes - like becoming so sick of hearing about their diabetes that they lash out by ignoring it. The other is that the event was an attention getter and they might recreate whatever it was in a cry for attention. The ghost may haunt the parents, but the parents have to realize that their own ghosts are adding to what already haunts the child.