暗中模索~going on the pump too soon

This past June I had decided to go back to injections… and found out at my recent endo visit that I’ve had the best A1C in years (though it includes about ½ month of pumping days). More than the A1C though I feel that I have overall better management of D.
But this is not to say that I think MDI is better…in fact as more time passes, there are many things I miss about pumping…steadier and adjustable basal rates, dual wave/combo bolus, and even something as small as recording each event ….because sometimes even if it’s just a few minutes later, I can’t remember if I actually injected myself or just thought about doing it. Injections are so often and repetitive it’s not necessarily easy to remember a specific event.
Thinking back on when I had first went on the pump about 6 years or so ago, I think it was too soon for me and too quickly…Rather than better management, more predictability….a pump made it easier for me to ignore diabetes and live…but to do so w/o really taking care of myself/managing things well.
I was in college at the time, but also quite apathetic about managing D. I basically did the least I could so long as the results led to a somewhat normal life. This meant a lot of blind bolusing…days would go by w/o testing…so I would correct based on whether I felt high or not…nor did I really carb count…but just kind of chose a number of units… based on how much carbs I estimated (w/o ever really checking)… The pump made it easy for me to just stack insulin if I felt like I hadn’t guessed enough. …I’m not positive since I didn’t even see a doctor regularly for some years…but I’m guessing my A1C was pretty high (probably around 10ish…based on the 1st one I had when I restarted seeing an endo but before making any real changes)… so it was high…but my body had adapted and I felt fine…for the most part.
But my real point is not that pumps don’t do what they’re supposed to or that it’s to blame …but that a pump is only a tool and how it’s used and what it does is entirely dependent on the person… Because I was so apathetic towards D at that time in my life, I wasn’t ready mentally to start using the pump, but ended up abusing it… since it was much easier to just correct and stack insulin… both before and now on MDI, I had to think a lot more about how much insulin I was taking and did I really want to inject myself again… cause once you inject it’s done… especially w/ long acting insulin…
So to conclude…(finally, ne?) the A1C wasn’t because I switched back to MDI…but that overall I’ve made changes such as testing more frequently (which started slowly a while back), but also I think much much more about how much I’m injecting…all MDI has done is force me to really think about my numbers and how much insulin I’m taking… and puts me in a sort of comfort zone (which I didn’t realize I had)…cause I did MDI way longer than pumping…change is hard…but I’m slowly making it and this time if I go back to the pump, I won’t be groping in the dark .
暗中模索- groping in the dark; exploring new avenues without having any clues