Help me please!

OK Folks I’m mad as crap right now and it’s affecting my BS So I got to get this off my chest! Sorry!!! My mom died in probate and promised me a lot of things! I moved 100 ft behind her and my dad 18 years ago b/c of I wanted to be with her and help protect her from my dad! Now he moved in his 25 year affair into her house and then married the ■■■■■ 14 months later! No I never tried to fight him for the 50 % that was mine b/c he told me he would make sure I got it. Then after he married the money hungery ■■■■■ he told me he now had a wife to take care of and in no way would he help me! He almost died last year from cerosis of the liver but she decided to keep him alive so she could get everything signed over to her! The Dr at the hospital even told me she would not accept the situation, that he was a drunk and had a really sever problem drinking and if he couldn’t get that he would take a pill to “get high” and I fought her to get him into a VA Rehab after the hospital dismissed him and said there was no more they could do for him if he didn’t quit drinking! He was killing himself which really is something I had heard for 25 years anyway! Now him and her have went to a lawer and he has denied everything that he had previously said or done won’t tell his new DR what’s what and he has cerous of the liver and they said he would die! He’s a Type 2 too but denies that too. My husband has had 2 heartattacks and slipped dics, spinal authritus and has been lucky enough to be married to a diabetic and have a diabetic daughter. Watched my great uncle die (who by the way wanted my mom to have everything he had and my dad to get nothing b/c of the way he treated us). Long story there but my dad just called and left a really nasty message on my answering machine about owning ALL of my mom’s stuff and my grandmothers and great uncles. In reality MY MOM worked for EVERYTHING he has and I am willing to share 1/2 of that with him but nothing of my great uncles or my grandparents! Please I need some leagle help here! I’m tired of getting paid on the 3rd and not even being able to afford my meds that are all paid for except 1 or 3 dollars and even THEN I CAN"T GET THEM! SOCIAL SECURITY SUCKS WHEN YOU HAVE ^ PPL LIVING IN YOUR TRAILER AND ONLY 2 KIDS WORKING WITYH 1 13 MONTH OLD AND ANOTHER ON THE WAY A SON-IN-LAW THAT CAN’T SEEM TO FIND A JOB A 17 YEAR OLD SENIOR AND A DUMB A** HUSBAND! THAT CAN’T WORK AND HIS BACK HURTS WORSE THAN ANYTHING I HAVE EVER BEEN THROUGH! AND I’VE LIVED THROUGH A LOT THAT NO ONE THINKS ABOUT AS BEING HARD TO GET THROUGH! HELP MY SANITY PLEASE!!!


As a son, son-in-law and child of an alcoholic I feel for you.

As a former lawyer I say that unless you have a lot of money and the stomach for a long drawn out fight that will keep you tethered to a person you despise - give it up. You have your mom’s memory but the fact is that if it’s not in writing it might as well have never happened. Try to make peace long enough to get some heirlooms if you must, but my advice is to finish your vent, then give it up and move on.

Under most state laws when a spouse dies, everything goes to the surviving spous - your dad, period. It doesn’t matter what the mom told anyone - if it’s not in writing that’s the way it is. Since it’s all your dad’s he can do what he wants with it. I advised all my clients never to count on owning what their parent’s own. It’s not yours, it’s theirs. They don’t have to give their kids a damn thing - they can even have it all burned if they want to. Give it up, it’s not yours. It’s only material things and as for any money, it will all be spent in the fight to keep it.

Sorry to bear bad news, dear. Live with the joy of your mother’s memory. Let the past go, let the material things go.


Terry it just upsets me to no emd right now and asfor as hairlooms I know he won’t do that for me! Maybe your right I just need to move from all this and start anew on everything! I talked to a lawer right after my mom died and was told almost the samething you said to me. The only thing he said differently at that time was when my mom died I was entitled to a childs share at that time and since I was the only child and she died inprostrate (sp and whatever) that I could get the 50% for up to 18 months after her death. Maybe I’m just too trusting for anyone! I think I really need to grow up now! Thanks for your advice! I just had to vent and cry for awhile! It just really to find out that your dad only cares about you if it helps him out!

Thank you Judith but please read what I said back to Terry. The pain is almost unbarable right now! I hope not to hurt anyone else but please tell anyone in your life if they want you and your children to have anything at all to put it in writing b/c ppl can promise you anything but then take it away from you faster than they promised it to you! Or atleast that’s the way it is here in the states!

Talk to your preacher, your medical support folks, your best real life friends. You need a shoulder to lean on and a hug. I can’t reach through the wires to give you the hug, but I am thinking good thoughts for you.


Thanks so much Susan!