I have been cursed with depression and anxiety since my teenage years ( I am now 57 ), and have been suicidal or not caring about whether I live or not for many years. Now that I have been diagnosed with diabetes I am suddenly supposed to start taking care of myself, but my depression gets in the way. I have a big load of “I don’t care” . Taking care of myself is very alien to my longtime self destructive tendencies. I guess if I start to take better care of myself, I might have better self esteem and help my depression. Or I could go down a very self destructive path. It’s finally time to choose life. Or not.
I can only identify with those feeling in a limited time frame. I cannot imagine dealing with them my entire life. But, I do understand how important it is to deal with them and hopefully, eventually overcome them. I also know that the biggest obstacle has already been cleared. You are very clear about the issue you have. Your monster has a name and you know what it looks like.
I assume that you have received professional help over the years. I would highly recommend that you take advantage of this again. But also, I believe that the answer already resides within you. Find someone who can help you bring your own solutions to the fore and build a life you feel good about.
Some of us maybe don’t feel all that satisfied or fulfilled with our life to date. Too bad. I can’t change my past. I don’t get a redo on my stupid comments or bad decisions. I can ONLY make changes and better choices starting today. And, knowing me I will still have to forgive myself for one thing or the other as long as I live. We are after all, only human.
I agree. Choose life. Choose to to believe that the best is yet to come. Choose this because it is something that you CAN make come true.