Thanks Betty J and Robyn for your support… These three losses are just the tip of the iceberg to what has been happening over the last couple of years. But the stress they cause does raise my blood sugar. To top it also if I’m honest, I feel a little guilty because I’m not able to support my mom physically from being so far away and she has noone else to turn to… I’m an only child, my mom has no partner, hasn’t had one since I was a small child… Her nearest brother… the one that’s left now lives over 100 miles away from her and is not a well man himself… I get annoyed with myself now because I feel I can’t help her when she needs me to and now she really needs my help and support. She’s always been there for me, so I feel I’m letting her down. When I was first diagnosed with diabetes and I was on the tablets only, dropping everything and going to help her physically was much less of a problem. Now I’m on the insulin, it’s much more of a problem because of the lows I get. Silly really but I also feel cross with myself, the situation and the Universe because all of this has come at the wrong time… as if people can chose to have a right time to die… I keep wishing that I was further on with my therapy… that I was more stable… I know I’m capable of making the trip alone in normal circumstances and with all the insulin and needles that I need to carry… the fear is that if the stress gets too high, I might miss the fact that I haven’t eaten or taken in enough food whilst traveling or that I might not have taken a pill or two and that, that will cause a low… and if I’m alone and pass out along the way I might end up adding to my moms worries and not helping at all… so in that respect I am better staying here at home rather than galavanting over to the UK, trying personally to be a help and support and failing miserably. I have tried to rally the troups as it may be, for support. I’ve contacted my son who is going to try and get time off work to go and support my mom for a couple of weeks until after the funeral. He however, lives over 550 miles away from her and the roads being very different in the UK than here, it will take him over 12 hours to drive. To add to the worries of my mom, she is due to go in to hospital for a Cancer op in a couple of weeks, so the stress she must be feeling is phenominal… and once again I can’t be with her to help her during her recovery. There are no answers or solutions to avoiding this stress… I just wish whoever the powers may be, would let up on the volume for a while… give us breathing space and allow us to have no more drama for a while. I guess some peoples lives are just chaotic… mine certainly seems to be, with no let up. It doesn’t help though when you’re being told to use stress diversion tactics when you know that no diversion tactics can help this type of stress…
Thanks for being there guys… Love you all. xxxx