Heya,
Yep. Been there. Done that… not so fun 
Depression and cutting is like diabetes some days are good and some are bad… and then some are really bad. Your writing sounds like most like the latter option on the list…
I know your prose is written in the third person, but I’m going to guess you are talking about yourself… I’m also going to guess that diabetes and maybe even depression isn’t the only thing going on for you. At least, it never has been for me when cutting happens. Rather, there’s a whole lot of not-niceness behind that…
I know over the years people have told me what they think it’s about, but they never really got it… a little like the diabetes. I don’t know what it is for you, but for me it was like I had something hateful and hurtful trapped inside me and I just needed to get it out somehow. Cutting did that… but in the long-term, talking does it better. For some people that’s a therapist, for others its a support group, and for others it’s a friend. Whichever is best for you, I hope it finds you soon…
And, BTW, just in case people in your life have not told you: you are smart, talented, pretty and not bad…
Take care… and hugs…
V.