I’m pretty sure I am. But don’t know what to do about it.
I pretty much have no one to talk to. I go days without interacting with adults. Conversations come and go. But I wish I had someone in my corner.
What do you think is the reason your depressed?
Sorry to hear about the depression
I would consider going days without interacting with adults a blessing!
My ex - gf. I have two kids that I raise on my own while she does nothing for them and just runs around partying and drinking and doing whatever she wants. She only comes by when she needs something or wants something and then it just ends up being a fight. My brother tried to stab me before thanksgiving dinner in my mother’s house. He was drunk, and now I am no longer allowed in my parents house, because my alcoholic bum brother lives with them and has officially taken over the house. My children don’t even get to see their grandparents much anymore. I have family but it’s like I have no family. I tried reaching out to my other brother and he just ignored, his wife forced him to see me and talk. I have literally no one who cares about me or talks to me at all, without trying to talk down to me or act like they don’t care. But when somebody needs something from me they all care a lot. It’s just demand demand demand. The only ones I have are my 2 kids, and they love me to death, but they’re kids and they’re growing older they have a lot of things that they have to take care of and think about. I can’t be bothering them like that. I’m not like a helicopter parent. One’s almost getting ready for college, and the other one if not for her I’d be completely lost and think that nobody even cares about me or thinks about me. I am addicted to cigarettes and I can not stop. I’m just fed up. I beat myself up over anything, because I’m not happy. I’m ok financially but I’m not making nearly enough to actually not worry or go on vacations. I’m just stuck in the city day after day same old same old. I’m telling you I’ve dealt with a lot of stress from my ex, and it’s not fair or right. And like I said I have no one. I’m just sick of it ok, I have two kids and they don’t spend any time with their family. It’s not right. Nobody says one good thing about me. My ex’s family, nothing no barbecues no get together nothing. My family nothing. I’m f’ing sick of it ok. It’s not right. I spent the whole last year drinking my sorrows, and that’s left me worse than before.
I’m sorry but that’s how I feel. Sorry. You asked. It was almost impossible for me to cry , and today I just feel like that’s all I want to do.
Forget it, but thanks for asking. I guess. And believe me when I say it’s not right. All I try to do is help people and listen to people and it just ends up with me being used or treated like shi.
Well, no wonder your depressed my friend, your surrounded by negativity and so it’s going to, and does, have a bad effect on you. I am happy you have shared some of it though, its super important. I too drank amd went to excess for a long time, I didnt like myself much back then but I didnt know it at the time. People can be horrible, but stuff them. You owe it to both yourself and your beautiful children to love yourself, I know its difficult, but it’s very important. Maries comment below is a wonderful answer. Please shsre more.
Try to get some therapy. Someone to talk to and help. Some of the insurance companies understand this a major problem with diabetics and have programs for it. If your sugars are running high it just makes it worse too.
One of my understandings is depression can be caused by the feeling of loss of control over your circumstances, but of course when you are depressed it’s hard to want to change anything. Forget about your relationship with your family right now (except your children) and work on mending yourself. Sometimes it’s better to just step back. We can’t control how they act or behave. We can just control what we do or our actions. So stop beating yourself up about it and try to figure out what to do to make yourself feel better about what you can control.
And the first thing is probably making an appointment with a therapist. One thing at a time, one day at a time. And watch out for that drinking and becoming an alcoholic too, if you think that’s a possibility try an AA meeting, I think they have several support systems in place. But make a first step to try to help yourself.
I commend you for raising your two kids on your own and that one is getting ready for college. Good job!
Do you have a job? You did not mention that.
Going to a therapist is the first step. Ask your doctor for a referral.
When I got done working due to health issues it has taken me a while to find something to do and to be with people who like the same things I do.
See if there is an outside activity where there are people who you may connect to with a mutual interest. Think about it.
It is hard to feel depressed and alone. I understand how you feel. Things just seem to all collide at once.
You can do it.
Thanks for reaching out. You are not alone.
Thanks to the three of you. I have been looking and thinking about the things you have said. The J stands for Jesse btw. Yes Sally I work in real estate management. I do ok, a little above 100. The current place I’m in is the longest I’ve ever stayed in one place. After the kids I said I have to settle down. I was kicked out of my parents house at 16 years old. I lived with my Uncle, but on the condition that I pay him rent. I moved like 20 times before I was even 20 years old. I mean the diabetes, there were days back in the early 90s I would live off $2 a day. Remember when you could get 5 bagels for $1? Now they’re a dollar each. I would eat 2 bagels a day. I mean I don’t know why but for some reason my family made it real hard for me and easy breezy for everybody else. I mean I got lost in Disneyland as a child. My mother just walked off and disappeared in the crowd. I got lost in Amsterdam as a child, my babysitter just walked off to make out with her boyfriend leaving my brother and I in the park playground alone. And he’s 2 years younger than me. I have severe abandonment issues. But I’m loyal to a T. That’s the thing that’s so hard for me. Yeah it’s really getting to be too much for me to handle. I appreciate the things you’ve said , I know you’re right. I just don’t know who to turn to. It’s like I’ve gotten used to this. Like it’s normal to me now. But it’s not. I know.
Yeah stuff is colliding all at once, especially with my daughter who’s now at an age where things for me were really hectic and chaotic. I’ve had friends in the past, but some have passed, and others I mean we all have lives we have to live. It’s just getting really hard for me.
Thanks to all of you. I appreciate your kind words and I will keep them in.
You are important and matter.
We are children of our past. The hard things we have experienced combined with daily challenges can be overwhelming.
It is an unkind world it seems sometimes.
It is ok to say how you feel.
There are people who care.
Jesse, I am sorry that you were raised by such unloving people. Please start calling professionals for help. Do you have a doctor? He may be able to start you on an antidepressant. You might not only have abandonment issues, you might have a chemical imbalance. It happens to many people.
Some therapists can talk with you while leading you through a rapid eye movement process. It is called EMDR and it is amazing. It works well for PTSD. It will cause you to forget a bit of what folks have done to you and it takes the impact out of it. It is painless and can work very well. I used it about 20 yrs ago for PTSD.
There is help out there Jessie, but you have to reach out for it. You are strong. You have raised two good kids and you have a very good job. You can do this with a little help.
Your relationship with most of your family sounds toxic not to mention dangerous. Is there a single parent support group around you could get involved with? A good therapist can help you learn to weed out those toxic relationships and focus on the good in your life. Your kids sound like they are doing good and that is always something to be thankful for.
You might want to consider a product called Alpha-Stim. It’s FDA approved for depression, anxiety, insomnia and pain. It requires a prescription but most insurance will pay for it. My family owns several of them and have been using them for over 10 years. Best of all it’s drug free, just mild electrical stimulation.
Have you done anything lately that makes you happy? If not, you might have some exploring to do. This could be fun. What are you into? Where abouts do you live? We can google around for fun. You gotta get out and have fun. Fun sustains life.
Also, people are jerks. Thats fundamentally true. It takes a bit of work to find and establish relationships with good people. You can’t be dealing with jerks anymore. Thats one of the easiest ways to ruin your life. Avoid them like the plague. No good comes of relationships with jerks. Only about 30% of people are going to be ok to hang around with. 70% of people are jerks. The bottom 20% are real bad. You need to be very discriminating.
Some secret ways to locate non-jerks:
1.) Volunteer for something that interests you or that you think is important on a weekly basis. People who take time to contribute to others tend not to be jerks. Being around people who are not jerks can be super refreshing. You could do a shift at the Hospital, Habitat for Humanity (you get to build stuff and thats fun), Red Cross, a museum, etc. There’s all kinds of stuff. I think you need an invite for the Lions Club and the Shriners and stuff (they are kinda secret-ish, but they are mens clubs that you might enjoy and meet a lot of not-jerk guys.);
2.) Avoid people who drink. A lot of people who drink too much tend to start out as jerks, or eventually become that. They tend to be very self-involved. It goes with the territory.;
3.) Get out into the world. Every time you get out into the world, instead of sitting home with a beer, you stand the chance of discovering something new and exciting. You may need to do this for a year straight, once a week, to find the things that offer you a lot of happiness. It takes real effort. Go see new things and new people and events around town. You should get to know your town backwards and forwards. Attend every public event. The more you do, the more you will find about the super secret, ultra fun stuff that goes on. People can be protective and secretive about ultra fun things. It takes time before they tell you about that stuff. They need to get to know you, trust you, and believe that you are not a jerk.
Let us know what strikes you as interesting or fun and we’ll google around. Have you gone to any of the type 1 diabetes conferences? That might be a great place to meet some adults like you. Kids could come with.
The first time you see someone doing something that makes them a jerk - taking advantage of someone weaker than themselves; putting others in difficult/unfair situations that could have easily been prevented in order to benefit themselves; Asking for help with a situation they have complete ability to fix themselves, you gotta stop interacting with that person. It will save you soooo much grief.
There are support groups that could help, because you will see that you are not alone.
The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance is all around the country:
You mind find that it’s easier to talk to others who are going through similar problems.
when my daughter got diagnosed I was very depressed. I had nothing but worries and the constant talk etc really got to me.
one thing that worked for me was getting routine exercise, every morning. I joined Barrys bootcamp (not sure if they have it in your city), 7am classes to start the day off on a positive note, it helped me tremendously, my entire day felt like I was ahead of the game which lead to different outlook on the rest of the day.
it made tremendous difference. I think getting your ■■■ kicked in the morning with hard exercise leaves endorphins running around in your body that helps break down the depression cycle…
hope you give it a try, commit to a week. You’ll also be surrounded by positive new people that are out there taking care of their bodies in a positive way.
Jessie. How are you doing?
Hi Sally,l and hi everybody else,
All the things you said I have been looking and thinking about. First I want to say, the way that all of you came out to me was so nice in my mind. It was normal and refreshing. You just offered opinions you talked about yourselves. It was very respectful by all of you. I really listened sincerely and appreciated it. And that you all were also thinking of me. That was the part that was most sincere to me.
I am doing ok. I like boats to be honest. Sailing things like that. And I like good friends and good company.
The best diet for me was where I eliminate most carbs, like bread rice pasta. But the problem with me with diets is the price eventually gets to be a lot. All the cooking the fresh ingredients. My blood sugars have been pretty good. 110-130 mostly. A couple of highs.
I am doing ok. The thing is I honestly gave up drinking in the past, years ago, but this situation with my ex has kind of brought it back. The concern is besides the blood sugars, am I just accepting it now. I’m not sure. It is possible. I keep telling myself no more, but I do pick it up.
You’re right, about the things that I like to do. That might be a way for me to not think about it. So far I’ve made some plans to play some tennis, and enroll my daughter as well in some lessons. I also like tennis and baseball. I am still alone for the most part. Day by day goes by and not a single member of my children’s family, from mine or the mother’s, even bothers to think of my children, it’s really not easy for me to think about that. You’re right I really don’t have much support. It’s very very weird in my mind. I even had a friend of my brothers say to me he’s gonna talk to my brother and ask him what’s up with that. It’s been almost a year and nothing. I’ve tried reaching out, but still nothing. Not even a reply. But I guess I have just to accept it.
You all are very nice and sincere. It really means a lot to me. It really does. Thank you.
Jessie, Many of us have stories like yours. The family stuff too.
The friend who is going to talk to your brother. He is a keeper. Is he your friend too?
Invest in those who invest in you.
There are few of those but they are there and a few is enough anyway.
I would just like to say but not preach that alcohol does affect one’s mood and chemistry.
One day at a time.
With care, Sally
What part of the do you live in? Maybe there are folks nearby to connect with?
Northern California here.