Hi. Been T1D for over 45 years. Am in reasonable shape and all things considered I’m in good health. But I’m rebelling big time. Like I’m done. had it. Leave me alone. Unplug devices, stop the meds. Let’s go play.
Now I can’t do the. NYTimes Sunday crossword puzzle but I’ve got some game and I know it’s foolhardy to passive aggressively attack yourself by not trying to take the best possible care of yourself but lately? I’m pissed!!!
I thought I had jettisoned this anger long ago but I guess not. Seems to have roared back with a vengeance. And I think it’s brcause of aging. As Grandma used to say “Steven dahlink, growing old isn’t for sissies” and dealing with trying to stay young or grow old kicking and screaming plus taking care of my diabetes. - not to mention all the assorted middle age ailments- god do I wish I could sleep thru the night (can you say BPH? Or is that TMI?) has just about tied me knots. I’m at the point where I know what to do but it hasn’t gotten any easier. In fact it’s harder.
I started meditating on the train ride into work - which wasn’t easy while sitting next to a loud person FaceTiming their GF about their slot losses at Mohegan Sun - found some value in that but I find creating new habits more difficult although I am now brushing my teeth for two minutes 3x a day.
Did I mention I have 10 year old triplets? 3 girls. I love them like no tomorrow but I’m not looking forward to puberty. I do have a plan though. I’m going to move to the Maldives and they can come visit - seriously- looking forward to them doting over me. But 3 more balls to juggle.
All this is to say, I have too many balls in the air and I’ve dropped the ones that count ,namely taking care of myself. It’s now a race to the bottom. I need help picking up those balls. I used to disparage community such as this but now I realize it was because there are those brave enough here to air those things that terrify me.
Anyone care to Help me pick up those balls?
Ok I feel better.