My whole life situation is very unuasual despite diabetes. I am nearing my mid 40’s in a few weeks and never been on my own and been living with mom and pop. Petrified to be broke and all the responsibilities that go along with it I just never got out on my own. I’ve also been by myself and realized long ago that having a mate was likely never going to be part of my life. I have a part time job which is equivalent to a job someone would take when they get out of highschool though I have a lot of freedom and its good environment to work in and mange the diabetes at the same time. As of late I’ve been not really wanting to do anything socially with the few contacts I have left as I just don’t feel well in general so I get more depressed going out realizing I have nothing in life other then fighting with my body all day 24/7 which is basically the nail in the coffin. My parents are now starting to get sicker from a few different health releated issues I quite frankly I can’t deal with it. I have no plan of action for anything and I just try to make through the day but I don’t see in anyway how this could end well. From the minute I wake up in the morning I constantly worry about everything I feel like I can’t do or change anything about my situation. Everything is just completely overwhelming. This is not even remotely how I wanted my life to end up but it is what it is. I keep thinking to myself if nothing is ever gonna be good, I am never gonna be happy and I’ll eventually be completely broke what’s the point of going on? Once my parents pass I probably won’t live much longer then that anyway as I will run out of whatever money they leave me which may take a few years at best. I realize instinct is survival but I can’t come to terms with my current situation and more so my future. Ten years ago I thought for sure diabetes would be out of the picture and was hoping to be just in a better place.
Gary , U R deeply depressed. We care about you here. Can you go talk to someone in an emergency health area, or even just phone someone 2 talk? You are not alone and things can get better. Please talk to someoene and tell them how you are feeling …You do not sound suicidal… but you do not HAVE to go around feelilng that your situation is HOPELESS… It is not.
Brunetta is correct. It sounds like your situation is beyond diabetes. I’m sorry to hear that you feel so alone. My guitar got me through some tough times so maybe your’s can? I like to jam along with the Allman Brothers when I’m down, it’s really intricate but I can figure some of the basic leads out and follow along from there. Sort of like Dan Ackroyd as Jimmy Carter talking they guy down from the bad trip?
I know how you feel. Though I was diagnosed only about two months ago. it’s slowly starting to sink in that I’m going to have to deal with this for the rest of my life. Being home on winter break from college when I was dXed, I was definitely afraid to leave my parents and the comfort of my own home to travel 7 hours away. They did ask me if I wanted to stay home and a big part of me just wanted to throw in the towel and say yes. But the other part of me wasn’t about to let diabetes take control of my life.
Lately. though it ha been hard, and quite overwhelming for me to think about looking ahead at my life and seeing this disease as an inevitable part of my future. It’s tough and at times lonely because no one really seems to get what you’re going through. People often tell me to “embrace it” and not let it hold me back and that “God gives you what he thinks you can handle” and you just want to be like oh well I don’t remember signing up for this.
Though I’m only 19 and I’ve only been living with D for a short time, I do understand where you are coming from. But also try and remember that you have to stay positive. Easier said then done, I know. I’ve wanted to punch people in the face for saying that to me sometimes. But they’re right. It sounds like you’ve been fighting for a long time, and all I can say is don’t give up now. You owe it to yourself and to your parents and to others who care about you to keep going.
I hope this helps. Stay strong and just take it one day at a time. That’s all anybody can really do.
I very much agree with Brunetta and acidrock, Gary. I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. Though everyone’s situation is different on the outside, I’ve talked with many many people who feel the way you seem to on the inside. And from those conversations I can tell you two things with a fair degree of certainty:
First, It is not likely to get better on its own. Many people sometimes may feel “down” and go out and buy a new dress or change jobs, and they start to feel better. But if you are suffering from clinical depression, it doesn’t work that way.
But the other thing I know is that it can get better and you don’t have to keep struggling this way. With the right combination of therapy and medication you will start to feel better, perhaps better than you remember for a long, long time. It will take time. Many people go to a therapy session or two or try one medication and it doesn’t help so they give up. Sometimes it takes several trials to get the right medication at the right dose. And with therapy you have to find the right person for you and then the work you do together will take time. But I’ve had many other conversations where someone says, “I feel so much better I can’t believe I let it go on so long”. We’d all like to have that conversation with you.
There should be a sliding scale or free clinic in your area that provides Mental Health services. Do knock on their door soon.
Finding meaning to your life can be hard. Lots of people find that meaning in their careers, others get married and their families bring meaning. But that recipe is not for everyone and there is no “true” way to find meaning. There are some that find meaning in giving to others, through volunteering. Have you ever thought about that? You know, giving to others can do that. It can bring meaning to your life, even when everything else around you seems totally hopeless.
Sounds like depression to me. I’ve been there and it can be terribly devastating. You need to go see a good doctor and tell him everything. Then you might look into a good church. Take it a day at a time my friend. It will take some time but things will get better.
Tomorrow is another day.
“Nothing in life other than fighting with my body all day…”? Is that really true? is it really, really, REALLY true? if it were, you wouldn’t be on this site, and we all wouldn’t be responding. Life is beautiful and worth fighting for, but you have to look for the beauty, and you have to DECIDE to be happy.
I have had depression myself. I recognize it when I see it. Please keep talking to us, and find someone you can discuss your deeper feelings with on a face-to-face basis. And make a point of doing something you enjoy every day, and let yourself REALLY enjoy it.
I would also recommend the book 365 Tao by Deng Ming Dao. Not trying to throw religion at you if it’s not your thing, but Taoism isn’t really religion anyway. It might help to learn to meditate and clear your mind. These negative thoughts and feelings can spiral downward and it can be difficult to break the cycle.
You ask an intelligent question with a certain elliquence. You are no different than any of us, nor anybody else for that matter. If we are alive, someday it is certain we will die. I have never known anyone who will not do so someday. Provided that is not today, myself I am content.
There are many answers to the questions you ask, highest among them learning to be “ok”, with ourselves, Learning to be content with what we do, who we are… it is an important and for some a lifelong, bloody struggle.
Are you a dabetic first? Or are you a man who in addition to his others abilities, skills, talents also happens to have diabetes as well? You sound in a bad headspace. We all get up in the morning, and it is a good day when we do. There is no magic to wealth. There is no magic to happiness. Either can disappear, or be taken away, wasted.
Unless you are content inside, and ok with whatever you happen to do or to be… you will remain displeased, unhappy. If you quit, how will you teach others to fight? Consider complete strangers knowing nothing about you save the feelings you have expressed here have great concern for you.
None of us wish you to quit. Seek advice and help closer to home, not solely here. But we are not going anywhere, nor should you. Fight if you must, but do not confuse the fight we all share with dispair.
Oh dear, I just don’t know what to say in response to your posting. Your point of view is totally aimed at yourself. You need to get your eyes off of yourself somehow. Since finances seem to be a big part of things, you could look for some type of aid from some sort of local counseling center that doesn’t charge. Next, you need to open your eyes about not taking care of your diabetes and the consequences of the lack of control.
I usually try to save the tough love for when a person is more stable in the control of their diabetes; BUT you need to do it now. Get away from your pity party and focus on what could happen if you continue down this line of self pity. One good way to do that is to visit my site (that is now known as just “Lois.”). I changed it from an earlier address to be less revealing.) Once you have read what I;ve been through, I would hope that you would respond to me so we can “talk.” Thing is … I’m STILL going through things as a result of what happened during my mishandling of the diabetes years ago.
Please try to focus your “eyes” and think about good things. Even though there are a lot of things you view as negative, there are things that are positive. Just refuse the “deposit” of the bad feelings you are adding to your "memory bank."
I hope this helps you to put a positive spin on your life now.
R U feeling better today, Gary? We have not heard from U. Please keep us posted.
There is nothing I can say that will relieve your anguish. Before you kick the bucket try some fly fishing it is greatly relaxing. And you have to concentrate on the moment by moment action no time to re hash a bleak future. My brother had rotted feet from diabetes and was dying but still was quite happy. Amazing because I feel more like you. He read and listened to a lot of positive thinking tapes in his life.
Gary, dreaming and wishing and wanting is all part of how life moves forward, and can bring on some great happiness.
Try waking up, get up and don’t let all the Worries get in your head, replace them with Dreams and Hopes.
I know I am going to get beat up with words of HE IS DEPRESSED, but I just don’t want to say thing and make you feel worse.
I hope life gets better for you:)
Just relax. I’ve been doing this for 53 years since the age of 3.
Sit back and “smell the roses”. I can do anything and “D” will not get in my way!!! You have to think the same way.
Gary? You there?
I’m sorry life seems so bleak for you and I really hope it gets better.
As others have said, it sound like you’re depressed. Find a professinal to help you just like you found professinoal help with your diabetes.
It’s not all going to get better at once, but it’s also not going to get better on its own. One step at a time, my man. Set one tiny goal each day. And seek some counsel from a real live person, please.
Best to you, Gary
I love Stuart’s answer.
It’s one thing to feel things are hopeless, it’s another to create something different for yourself. There’s a hurdle between the two that is easier for some than it is for others.
It’s also a choice if you want it to be, and if you can get there, with or without help.
It’s probably well worth talking to a professional if that service is available to you. On the other hand, last time I did that, I was sure the person was crazier than I was, and it was exactly what I needed to get out of my own way. I’ve been fine since. But seriously, there’s help out there, and on here. Just getting it out of your system is therapy in itself.
There are a lot of people on here who care about you. Why? Because we seem to be in this diabetes thing together, so you’re already part of a big community of people who support each other.
How about… getting up tomorrow morning and making some different choices, like not worrying about stuff for starters. See how your worry-free day goes. Every time something worrying pops into your head, don’t let it (hard, I know), but you’ll be much more free.
Sitting at home doesn’t get you out there into others and potential new friendships. How about a face-to-face diabetes support group? Or a group that holds other interests for you? What have you got to lose? It’s only time - most of those groups don’t cost anything.
Think about other ways to earn money. Are you a collector? Go to yard sales, or have some yourself. Get a different job or study something new in class or online.
You like music? Go listen to bands. Like to read? Go to a library. Have a dog? Go to a dog park regularly.
You say, ‘it is what it is’, but it doesn’t have to be.
There’s lots to do out there. Maybe changing things in small steps could help you not feel all is so hopeless. You’re probably thinking there aren’t choices out there, but there are. Hopefully you can motivate yourself to start looking for the ones that are right for you.
Believe me you are not alone. I not long turned 22 and I go through this phases where I ask myself why me and what did I do. I would go into these deep dark depressions. Honestly just talking to other diabetes and realizing that I’m not crazy helped me alot. More than you can ever imagine. Plus my doctor put me o Xanex for the anxiety and depression. These help but I only take them when I’m in full blow attack because I don’t want to get addicted to them. Please to reach out and get help. Whether it’s medication or even just talking to someone. Sometimes I get so depress that I leave Tu for a while but I always come back :). For me it’s very hard because as my family says I’m the worst diabete in the family. I guess because everyone else is Type 2 and I’m the only Type 1 so they don’t understand when I don’t want to eat certain things are can’t. For instance that other day I caved in and ate a honey bun at work. Now the type 2 person who ate it with me sugar raised to like 164 and he was like oh that’s not too bad. Well I checked mine and it went up to like 383!!! lol I was like why is mine so high?? I wonder.
Gosh Gary, you should have spent the last few days with me, talk about find every reason to give up or in… everything I could think of was turned into negitive, self pity and I would say dark depression. It scared the Heck out of me, last Jan til June in was in the deepest darkest depression. I found my way out, and am better today, so just letting you know we all can feel your Pain and know the feeling.
So where are you, we would love to see you post.
First, I would highly recommend a counselor to talk out some of these things. It doens’t have to be a psychologist or psychiatrist, but maybe even just a minister or priest.
Second, reasons to go on taking care of yourself. Wake up early some morning, and take a walk, there are so many things to look at and see the beauty in. Go to a nursing home or a shelter and see what they have to offer. Sometimes, for me anyway, it helps to see what others are putting up with in their lives for me to see, that although Diabetes isn’t the most fun thing in the world there are many other women who have it worse off, and I can GIVE to them, a hand up, an ear to listen.
It is true, that volunteering brings out the hope in all of us. Perhaps looking into a better job, so that financially you can plan better for the future. I am in my late 50’s and retirement for my dh is coming up soon, he is 61. I have been disabled from the one job I wanted all my life, but I had to go on. My children are grown and on their own, the third job I wanted more than anything, motherhood. Often I say to myself, “now what”…I have nothing. We aren’t rich, infact, my dh will probably have to (want to ) keep working when he hits SS age. But my point is, that life is worth what you make of it, and if we wallow in what we don’t have, or what has us, then it only get’s worse. Get up, get out, and help someone else. It might give you a whole new outlook on life. Sorry if this sounds crappy and bit**y, but hey beats sugar coating.
OK Gary: It has been a month…R U still around?Let us know… WE care.