I want another child

I want another baby...or at least I think I do...I f I could avoid complications like I had the last time I am all on board. I think richard would go either way. We love presley so much and i have so much love in my heart for another child, but the what ifs keep coming to mind. I am 32 and richard is 41. Youngins aint we? I guess we both got a little late start in life but it has been worth all the while. I worry that presley might feel disadvantaged by being an only child? what if something should happen to us? I would want a sibling here for her. And of course the interaction between the both of them. once we asked presley if she wanted a baby sister or brother and she looked at the cabbage patch doll and slapped it and stuck her tongue out at the doll. Guees that answered that huh? she is very jealous of richard and I. richard was holding our cousin isabella and presley came over and pushed bella off his lap! She loves her daddy! We were grocery shopping the other day and we saw little babies and I told richard I miss the smell of a little baby's head and he said "isn't that just the shampoo?" I guess so. i am very fortunate to be able to stay at home with presley. Not many woman nowdays can afford to do that. and we do so comfortably...mind you we are not jetting off for vacations and we dont go out to eat alot, but we have pure entertainment in our family.. we go to the park and have picnics we play board games. just the little stuff. for instance the other night, we finally got our table set up so we can all eat togehter. I wanted this so bad when I was a kid. There is no fighting or screaming..no name calling...i felt like a little family. now dont get me wrong. we do have "loud discussions" sometimes but it is just a peaceful feeling here. i have wanted this forever.

and I didn't have complications till the very end of my pregnancy. presley was born a month and a half early and spent 13 days in the nicu. but i feel if my dr's had listened to me we could have avoided all the chaos me and presley went thru...long story short...we both almost died. i had toxemia. I kept telling them something isn't right. I was so swollen i couldn't walk talk or sleep w/o just pooping out. I was supposed to be on bedrest, but that was my fault I didn't listen to that. I kept trying to get up and do housework so I brought that on myself. I had a nurse tell me that I intimidated the dr's because i knew "too" much. But being a diabetic I had to know everything. i had to know what was going to happen when it was going to happen and why it was happening.

would I do it all over again? you bet I would. I never knew how wonderful life was till I had presley. There are still days that i have guilt parties for myself. It was one of the few times I cursed myself for being diabetic. i want to write more, but boo boo is really getting irritated with me. she wants to paly and so we shall.

love to all and have a great day!