I'll live with you, but I'll never be your friend

Friday morning I had my follow up appointment with my endocrinologist. The CT scan that I had done a week ago showed no tumors in my pancreas, so praise the Lord for that. We had talked in the past about a hospital evaluation, but I honestly didn't think it would come down to that. Surely enough, I was wrong. At my appointment with him that morning he admitted me to the hospital. A 72 hour stay luckily turned into a 20 hour stay. He thought it was going to take 3 days to get me into a hypo state. He was wrong and I knew he was going to be wrong from the start. My body needs food in order for my blood sugar to somewhat behave. My stay started off with a fast. No food for me means severe hypoglycemia. It took me about 8 hours and I was lower then I could ever remember being. My blood sugar was 30 and I had no symptoms whatsoever. I was sitting up watching TV and waiting for my husbands arrival. I took the nurses by surprise for sure. They told me I should be unconscious right now and I blew there mind when I told them I felt perfectly fine.

It was a painful stay indeed, both mentally and physically. Mentally, because I felt trapped and defeated. I had felt like this disease had gotten the best of me and I wasn't sure how to take back control. Physically, because I endured about 20 finger sticks and gave up 19 tubes of blood. I was given IV glucose when my sugar reached 30. My sugars rushed up to over 100 in about 10 minutes time. That feeling is never something I enjoy. The headache, the nauseating pains in my stomach and the dizziness is almost to much to bear. What kept me going though was me knowing that once this was over I was going to get a sandwich :)

So I ate my sandwich and my sugar was elevated at about 180. I was able to get about a hour of sleep until I was being tortured again. Four hours later my sugar was on its way down to another low. I was allowed a glass a milk and a half of a peanut butter sandwich. I thought this time for sure my sugars were going to be elevated but I was yet, wrong again. At 8 AM I was sweating really bad, my heart was pounding and this time I knew something was wrong. My sugar checked out at 35. At this point I thought there was no way I was going home early. Breakfast arrived and although I wasn't really hungry I forced myself to eat everything that was given to me in hopes that my sugar would go up and stay up and I could go home.

The testing that was done was to see why I have such severe hypoglycemia when I have little to no insulin in my body. It could be my cortisol level, my adrenal glands, or my pancreas is just completely out of it's mind. I am waiting on answers from my doctor and I expect them any time now.

Sunday I was allowed my regular diabetic diet and was able to start on my insulin again. This is the second time I have had to stop my insulin for testing, and it is really aggravating. When I start the insulin again I feel like I am starting from the bottom. Giving my self the shot doesn't feel normal to me, maybe it never will. Every injection is a constant reminder of this disease. Diabetes is like a big bully that refuses to leave me alone. It keeps pushing my buttons, and sometimes I don't know how to fight back.

Dear diabetes...just to let you know, I accept that I must live with you, BUT we will NEVER be friends.

Happy Monday Everyone!