It’s been a while since I posted anything because my blood sugars have been SO confusing, and I feel like I’m losing the plot, and this is going to be more of a rant than anything, so here goes:
3 weeks ago, my blood sugars soared. At first, I assumed it was just a normal soar and would be back to normal the next day. After 3 days of high blood sugars, I came to the conclusion I was pregnant and raised my basal and bolus rates, and went from an average of 40 units TTD to 50. I then spent 2 weeks in uncertain ecstasy. I got more excited as my period did not come.
Last Friday, my period started. 5 days late, and heavier than usual. I was miffed. The next day, my optometrist told me I had “severe” damage and needed to go to a retina center “urgently”. She then tried to give me “the speech”. The one about controlling your blood sugars or suffering dire consequences. I told her my hba1c was 5.6. She clearly didn’t believe me. It was a very upsetting experience and I ended up crying in the waiting room, mostly because I thought increased control would mean less of idiot doctors trying to scare and intimidate me.
I went to my retina guy on Tuesday. He said everything was pretty good for over 20 years of diabetes. Yes, there is some minor bleeding, but he says its okay just to monitor its progression, and he still supports me in my desire to have children.
My problem now is the blood sugars still haven’t gone down. It’s been 3 weeks of higher, more unpredictable sugars, and its wearing me down. One day, I took 85 units of insulin, eating what I normally eat, and was still super high all day. I’m super frustrated and exhausted. I’m dealing with a pretty bad bout of sadness from my lack of pregnancy coupled with that terrible optometrist, but I was having blood sugar troubles before that which is why I thought I was pregnant. I wish I could take a more relaxed approach, but I want to keep trying for babies, so I’m just stewing in my frustration now. I cant figure out what caused the higher blood sugars or the delayed period, but I feel like they’re related. Otherwise, that’s a helluva coincidence.
How do other people relax when the blood sugars are this unpredictable? How do you deal with normal sadness when all your energy is going to keeping yourself even vaguely in range? I’m just really struggling this week…