I think that T1D gives me a baseline level of stress in my life that under usual circumstances, I’m not really aware of. If life is running smoothly, I keep my pump and CGM running and don’t necessarily think about the fact that I have T1D. But if something goes wrong with my pump or my insurance, then it’s a massive, disproportionate stressor for me and I start to realize how much stress I carry with me on a daily basis.
So fast forward to this current year, where I’ve been adjusting to motherhood, adjusting to working motherhood, and adjusting to work turnover/politics. I’m stressed and irritable and frankly, just mad at the world. I feel like I get mean but in my head, I just feel like I’m doing everything I can to keep everything in my life together and I just need everyone else to do their part and they’re not. Writing this out feels so silly because of course, that seems so irrational. I’ve been told I’m insensitive, condescending, and controlling. This makes me sad because when I was younger people always used to describe me as nice.
A therapist suggested I may have anxiety. This surprised me a bit because I understand the connection to irritability, but I’m not sure I have the fear and worry that I associate with anxiety, unless it’s subconscious and manifesting in other ways.
Can I blame all this on the T1D? 30+ years and counting? I wonder if I’m making the situation worse by being so discreet about my condition (very few people at work know about the T1D) but the last thing I want to do is have people think about diabetes first when they are with me, especially at work.
I’d love to hear from others who feel similar levels of stress/irritability and how you address it, as well as from anyone who can comment objectively about other perspectives to consider. I’m not in a position to step back from this situation at the moment and I’m worried about the consequences of my current behavior towards others on my job and relationships.
Thanks in advance.