Irritability/stress


#1

I think that T1D gives me a baseline level of stress in my life that under usual circumstances, I’m not really aware of. If life is running smoothly, I keep my pump and CGM running and don’t necessarily think about the fact that I have T1D. But if something goes wrong with my pump or my insurance, then it’s a massive, disproportionate stressor for me and I start to realize how much stress I carry with me on a daily basis.

So fast forward to this current year, where I’ve been adjusting to motherhood, adjusting to working motherhood, and adjusting to work turnover/politics. I’m stressed and irritable and frankly, just mad at the world. I feel like I get mean but in my head, I just feel like I’m doing everything I can to keep everything in my life together and I just need everyone else to do their part and they’re not. Writing this out feels so silly because of course, that seems so irrational. I’ve been told I’m insensitive, condescending, and controlling. This makes me sad because when I was younger people always used to describe me as nice.

A therapist suggested I may have anxiety. This surprised me a bit because I understand the connection to irritability, but I’m not sure I have the fear and worry that I associate with anxiety, unless it’s subconscious and manifesting in other ways.

Can I blame all this on the T1D? 30+ years and counting? I wonder if I’m making the situation worse by being so discreet about my condition (very few people at work know about the T1D) but the last thing I want to do is have people think about diabetes first when they are with me, especially at work.

I’d love to hear from others who feel similar levels of stress/irritability and how you address it, as well as from anyone who can comment objectively about other perspectives to consider. I’m not in a position to step back from this situation at the moment and I’m worried about the consequences of my current behavior towards others on my job and relationships.

Thanks in advance.


#2

That may be making the situation worse only in that it distracts you from the important things to focus on. Worrying about what other people think is very common but ultimately a complete waste of time. If you were shortsighted, would you avoid wearing glasses because the last thing you want is people thinking about eyesight when they are with you? And if they do, so what? That’s their issue, not yours, and worrying about it is a waste of your mental energy. Letting go of this kind of worry is often very liberating. It will be one less (constant) stress, and will help you to focus on the things you do have some control over and can change.

Good luck.


#3

You have a lot on your plate. How new to motherhood are you? Have you had your hormones checked? Hormones can be wacky during that first year. Going back to work can compound issues not to mention not getting enough sleep or “me” time. Prioritize what is most important and let the rest go. You can not be Superwoman!


#4

Hi @Pipli!!

I’ve experienced some of what you’re describing. I don’t have children, so that stressor is not a part of my life. Congrats to you though :slight_smile:

I have approached sharing my diabetes with coworkers somewhat cautiously. Most of my, rather small, office knows by now. There are still a couple of people I have not told yet though, and I have no plans to tell them in the near future. My anxiety about this was much worse when I first started my job, but it’s gotten better over time. Like you, I wanted to people to think about the value I added to the office first and consider my diabetes to simply be a part of who I am (not the first thought that came to mind).

I’ve found that the people I meet that get to know me well before knowing I’m diabetic tend to see me as a person with all sorts of qualities and characteristics- of which one happens to be diabetes. Whereas I’ve had instances where people find out I have diabetes before getting to know me, and sometimes it seems that those people identify diabetes as a much bigger aspect of who I am. I consider myself a person who happens to have diabetes… rather than a person whose whole life revolves around it. You’re not alone in having these worries!!!

Have you been in your work situation very long? You may become more comfortable as time passes.


#5

Thank you for this. It’s a good point and I shouldn’t worry about it the way that I do. I think I just really dislike talking about diabetes… it puts the fact that I have it front and center. I also happen to work with a bunch of older women who always want to know how everyone is “feeling” so I don’t want to give them anything specific to have to focus on!


#6

Thank you! I’m about a year in and trying to balance but it’s not easy and I definitely don’t remember what “me” time is. Thanks for suggesting a hormones check; it’s not something that ever occurred to me, but I’ll look into it to see if that’s having an impact.


#7

Yes! This resonates with me quite a bit. I’ve been at this job for quite a few years. There are only a few people who know, and usually it’s because they have a connection to diabetes and I thought they could use the support.