Since losing Grandpa last October, alot of different people have told me that it would get easier. The thing is, it hasnt. Its still just as hard as day one.
Usually Id talk to one of 3 people I trust about this: Elizabeth, Krista (my big cousin), or Riah. Usually talking to them makes me feel better, but now I cant talk to any of them.
Elizabeth…well we had that arguement a while ago, and yet amazingly enough I still wish she’d talk to me again. I wanna go back to the way things were before our arguement, back to when she called me her lil sis.
Krista’s just too busy for her lil cousin anymore. (she’s 20) Ever since she got a boyfriend, everything changed between us. She never talks to me anymore. If I text her, she doesnt text back. If I message her on facebook, she doesnt message back. Even if Im standing right in front of her and her boyfriend, she keeps her answers as short as possible and resumes her conversation (or more often than not, arguement) with him. He doesnt care if I talk to them, its just her being all weird.
Riahs kinda the same as Krista. Only not as bad. Riah wont text me but she will talk to me on facebook and if I see her. She just wont come get me anymore because she’s engaged and spends like every stinkin day with the guy. (Honestly, I liked her old boyfriend more, but thats beside the point)
So there ya have it, the three people who said theyd be there for me are no longer there.
If I could pick only one to talk to, itd be Riah. Her because she’s the one that said she’d be different. I told her about Elizabeth and she said “but theres a difference…im really not going anywhere.” Then what happened? She went somewhere. Im still trying to figure out where, but she deffinetly left.
Krista and Riah said losing Grandpa would get easier with time too…So why isnt it? They may not talk to me anymore, but they certainly wouldnt lie to me…Would they? And whats up with the pattern of as soon as I learn to trust some one, they leave me? That kinda makes it harder to trust whoever comes along next.
Life is confusing and sometimes painful, but whatever. Sunny days cant be too far away…
b
I really feel for you, Brandi. You are going through a really tough time, and some of the people you spoke to most frequently, are now being distant. From having lost my father, back in 2003, yes, I can tell you that it’s really, very hard, at first… and it’s only been a few months for you… please don’t put this enormous pressure on yourself to feel better, in just a few months. The grieving for our loved ones, well, it takes time to heal. We go through a grieving process, and it should not be thwarted, or skipped.
Part of the problem is that this is such an uncomfortable topic for a lot of people, to bare with, and to respectfully listen to others, with some patience… if they haven’t been there themselves, or if their loss wasn’t as immediate or powerful. I do want you to know… that though you will never forget your grandpa, and though it will always be sad that he is not with you anymore, with time, it will slowly hurt less and less… until you can remember him with fondness, in your heart… and smile that you had the privilege of having him as a grandfather. Perhaps you may want to consider talking to a school counselor about your loss, or asking your parents for help in seeing a therapist. Sometimes, we just need some help with our healing process… help that well, many of our friends are unable to provide… for whatever reason. They just don’t have the tools to help you with this, and you should try not to hold it against them too much… They’re young, too, and their focus is all over the place. It’s one of the cons of being young. I really do hope you find someone that you can talk to, in a safe environment, about your loss… and I wish nothing but the best for you. It will get better… but you have to hang in there. HUGS
Sorry for your loss…my grandfather died last december…and I don’t think it’s so much that it gets easier…but that you get more used to it(?) …and I think that there is also always the possibility of events/thoughts triggering your emotions so that it seems fresh again…like the other day I was reading something where someone’s grandparent had died and just started crying… which I wouldn’t normally do.
And yeah once trust is lost w/ a person it’s hard to rebuild…and if it happens several times …it’s harder to trust someone new…but for me I try to give each person the benefit of the doubt…otherwise you end up always putting a line between yourself and others and never really getting close to anyone…
Hang in though cause I think sunny days will come too
Brandi, death is a very hard thing to handle for some people. It doesn’t always get better in the time that some think it should. We are all different and we all take time to heal from the passing of loved ones in a different way.
Then as you wrote, you have “lost” three of your best confidants that’s like a death too. So you’ve been wammied many times lately, and that is hard, difficult, and stinks! I don’t know how old you are, but I will tell you I lost my mom about four years ago, she died of cancer, my father died this past summer the day before my birthday. I am a mother of two sons, 27 and 22, and I felt like an orphan. LIke a child with out her parents. I still shed some tears when I think of them. I still ache when I want to talk to my mother. It takes as much time as it takes.
As for losing the friendship of your cousins/friends, yeah, bf’s complicate things, marriage complicates things. I lost my best friend when she got married over 31 years ago, she cared about her future husband much more than our friendship. It’s tough…Can you call Elizabeth and try to mend the relationship, go out and talk about how you miss her friendship and wish that things could be put back together. You don’t way what the argument was about, but maybe both of you need to apologize and then make up with each other. STart there, and see what happens.
come here, and we will listen. If we don’t understand, we may ask you to talk to us about it…but we’ll be here for you. If you need more pm me and I’ll talk, I’m pretty good at that.
Hang in there, take the time you need to heal, and then take care of you.
hey guys, thanks for all the comments…you have no idea how much it helps!
Cathy-I’ve tried texting Elizabeth lots of times but she never answered. I do see her at school, but whenever I try to talk to her, she looks down and completely ignores me. Of course, its only for a few seconds at a time between classes…I would try to talk to her at lunch if it werent for her friends. Itd just be easier if it was just me and her. If her friends are there then A) Id feel bad for potentially making her look bad in front of them and B) theyd all be on her side and before I could try to talk to her theyd all gang up on me.
And besides that…what am I supposed to say? The argument we had was when she was talking bad about one of my friends that she doesnt like. i asked her why she did that the day after it happened. She said cuz she could. Then I told her that made her no better than all the ppl that have picked on me and hurt me. She said it was different cuz she’s said things to the girls face. I told her ppl have said things to my face too and it still hurts just the same. Then she told me that ppl get picked on, its part of life and that I should grow up. After that I got frustrated and walked away (this was all during lunch about a month before Grandpa passed away). What do you say after something like that happens?